My flight leaves in 5 hours. Weird. On a lot of different levels. I am interested to see how it is being home. It has only been four months, true, but these four months have been four of the more challenging months of my life. Currently, only three of us are here. Natalie and Evie left on Friday. So last night Katie, Nick, and I decided to go to the Channel Club, a restaurant down the road. I was pretty overwhelmed. First, the menu. Nothing was cheaper than $15. I was really confused and had a tough time figuring out what to order. Then, as the music started to play, the place got packed. We left pretty early because all three of us were just overwhelmed. As I sit here now I think about how 4 months ago those two things wouldn't have phased me at all. Crowded bars, while not preferable, were the norm in college, as were fairly pricey meals. Fifteen bucks might have been a pretty light meal on the weekends during college, and here I am overwhelmed with what was going on. It makes me stop and think about where I have been in my life, and where I want to go. But I am really excited to go home and see everyone. This will be the only time I get to go home over my year, so I am looking forward to it.
The past few weeks have been...interesting. Things have started to shift a little bit. First, my community. Recently we have been more...rambunctious than usual. The quotes we have been generating on a nightly basis leave us rolling on the floor laughing. "Anastasia" has currently become our unofficial movie. But at the same time, our conversations have been deeper, our understanding of each other has gotten to a point of comfort. A place that in the past has taken me years to reach with many of my friends I have found in four months. Pretty amazing. I love getting to know these people on a daily basis, and I still really look forward to coming home after work and spending time with them.
My placement has started to transform too. It has taken me a while to get integrated into the school, even with me transitioning to be there more. Talking to teachers, talking to counselors, and most importantly, talking to students has been a draining enterprise, but one that I welcome on a daily basis. The house has become a good place as well. While there have been challenges (much different challenges, even with the overlap in clients), it is good to see growth from those challenges, both personally and with the kids. The biggest transformation, though, has come with a pretty big realization: not every day has to be a huge day. I don't have to have some huge breakthrough with each kid for it to be a worthwhile day. Asking a question about basketball, about classes, about teachers, I have come to value these little conversations. The rapport isn't in the big conversations; that is built day by day in the daily interactions. I came to this about a week ago in a conversation with Nick, and my interactions with my clients, and really everyone, has been different. Not significantly. But I take what people are having to say and putting that into perspective, listen to what the person is saying instead of instantly analyzing it and coming back with some comment. Different for me, for sure.
Another thing that I have come to realize over the past few weeks came from a conversation with Zach when he was here. The first night we talked about the concept of being intentional, something I have never really actively done before this year. I have always been a fairly impetuous person, acting instinctively and very rarely thinking through many of my actions (especially during the period following my 21st birthday through graduation...). That has changed, for the most part, this year. Almost every decision I make I spend time thinking about my motivations. Is this against the commitment I made this year? What are some consequences of these actions? Who does this affect, other than myself? These are just a few of the questions that I have come to continually ask myself. I think the most concrete example of this was when my computer died a few months ago. I had the means to purchase a new computer, and even found a really nice one that was really cheap. I had no idea what to do. On one hand, I pledged to lead a simple lifestyle within my means, but also live in solidarity with those that I am serving. Some of whom would not have the means to purchase a first computer, much less a replacement. On the other hand, a computer does make it much easier to serve my clients. I can coordinate with people through email, write notes at a much faster rate, and look up things for my clients when they come into my office. And on a selfish note, it is much easier to keep up with everyone when I have a computer. Ultimately I decided to purchase a new computer. But through this exercise I found myself questioning my motives instead of whipping out my debit card and grabbing a computer "just because I wanted one." Even the smaller decisions, like "Should I buy this six-pack with some of my stipend money?" have become intentional. On an almost daily basis I talk about the dangers and the consequences of using alcohol, yet how much better am I if I go home and crack open a cold one? It is something I still struggle with, my alcohol use, as I go forward.
So those are the two thoughts I leave you with as I go home for Christmas. As I leave this world of simplicity and go back to the world of not-so-simplistic...at all, I find myself reflecting on the past four months. The highs, the lows, and the inbetweens. And I have found that the highs are really high, while the lows aren't really all that low, and saying "yes" almost nine months ago was one of the better decisions I have made. Hopefully I can continue to intentionally say yes or no to the rest of my journey here in the AK-rowdy.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
A Procrastinator's Guide to Deep-Frying a Turkey
Quite possibly one of the most memorable Thanksgivings I have ever had. Of course, it was the first one that I have spent away from my family, so that was tough. But at the same time it was a ton of fun. Let us start from the beginning...
Zach came in on Tuesday night. After talking for a bit with my community members, the two of us stayed up for a while just talking about a bunch of different things, but eventually the conversation steered towards next year and possibly ending up in St. Louis and where we wanted to start to move towards in our lives. It was surprising how much we were on the same page, not only in what we wanted to do but why. But still have quite a few options, and this didn't necessarily make anything that much clearer. But anyway, at 3 I said time for bed, because of work. He laughed and said alright, I guess I am coming with you.
Wednesday was pretty low key. Work was pretty boring. He came to school and to Hanson House with me and met my kids (Two comments: "He looks like Jesus" and "His hair is beautiful, I want it"). It was really low-key at work, except for one conversation I had with one of my kids who had had a rough time. It was the first time I straight up have had nothing to say to one of these kids. I did not have any advice to give; I had no clue what I should say next. That hurt, that I could not say what this kid needed to hear. Blah...
But then we went out. At ten we headed out to the bar, with me saying, "I have to be at work at 7, one beer and I am coming home." Yeah, notsomuch. Met a sweet bartender, had some drinks, got ripped on the entire night by aforementioned bartender. The night ended with a free shot from the bartender called a chocolate covered cherry. Awesome. But it was about 12:30 at this point. We then got home and stayed up for another hour. I mean, it was fun, but waking up the next morning kind of sucked...
I woke up at 6:30, hopped on my Huffy, and made the two mile ride in about 15 minutes. Usually the first few hours of the morning shift are easy because the kids sleep. Well, one woke up around 7:30 and we talked for the next three hours about a bunch of stuff. It was a great conversation, but not one to have when you are exhausted. Then another one of my kids woke up and that was another hour conversation or so. Thanksgiving was my toughest day at Hanson House, by far. It was really hard being there with the kids because they were apart from their families. The mood of the house was just...low. And for good reason. But once again I found myself with nothing to say because really, what could I say? I at least had some choice in being here. I can't imagine what it would be like for them. Nothing really happened all day, but it was really draining to be there. Then I went home and no one was there; we had been invited to a Thanksgiving dinner and they went but I obviously couldn't. I just kind of putzed around for a while then went to the house where we had our Thanksgiving. I was house sitting at this pretty sweet house, so we had it there. It was quite a bit of fun.
I need to back track once more. My community members told me I could deep fry our turkey if I found a deep fryer, thinking that there was no way I was going to follow through on it. Well, I win. Kind of. See, there were some issues. First, we had nothing to set the turkey on. Using hangers and a collander (sp?) we tried to jerry rig something. Fail. We then realized the crab pot we were using was too small for our turkey. Solution? Chop up the turkey and put in in a fish fryer that we then put into the crab pot. Winner! Next, we had no injector to use for the marinade. Solution? Turkey baster with a shish kabob stick inserted in it. Yeah...It worked a little bit. Then, we had no way to put the thermometer into the oil. Solution? buy a candy thermometer and wrap a hanger around it. Yup. We then went outside to deep fry our turkey. With the girls commenting that they had the hospital on speed dial. Well, we deep fried it, and it was fantastic. Next time (and there will be a next time) I will plan it out a little better and a little further in advance. But it was awesome. We had a really great meal and conversation and I was just happy to be there. We then watched a movie and passed out. Good day.
The plan for Friday was to go on a hike. But. We didn't. Watched football and laid around all day. Went out again that night. Tequila and diets...awful. But we had a really fun time. I ended up doing my happy dance(s) for everyone. Z had an interesting end to his night. We closed down the bar in style. Then I chased Z through the streets...well, street of Sitka, with him lying down in a vestibule at one point. Then we woke up on Saturday and actually went on a hike. The highlight? Seeing two pods of whales. It was incredible. They make one of the coolest noises I have ever heard. There were also a ton of eagles out, which was really neat. Then we played Scategories and watched 'Up.' All in all a solid night.
Sunday came and we drove Zach to the airport and went to Mass. Then I got a text from Z telling me that he couldn't take off. He ended up getting a ride to the place where mass was being held (not the church; the bishop always comes to Sitka and says the first Mass of Advent, and they have it at Centennial Hall. It was pretty cool). Why was his flight canceled? Boulders on the runway. But and we got to play some Ultimate together again. We ended up on the same team. It was a good time. Then he actually took off. Sad times. But it was good to see him. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. Tough being away from family, but it was a great group of people to spend Thanksgiving with. Hope all you guys had a good holiday!
Zach came in on Tuesday night. After talking for a bit with my community members, the two of us stayed up for a while just talking about a bunch of different things, but eventually the conversation steered towards next year and possibly ending up in St. Louis and where we wanted to start to move towards in our lives. It was surprising how much we were on the same page, not only in what we wanted to do but why. But still have quite a few options, and this didn't necessarily make anything that much clearer. But anyway, at 3 I said time for bed, because of work. He laughed and said alright, I guess I am coming with you.
Wednesday was pretty low key. Work was pretty boring. He came to school and to Hanson House with me and met my kids (Two comments: "He looks like Jesus" and "His hair is beautiful, I want it"). It was really low-key at work, except for one conversation I had with one of my kids who had had a rough time. It was the first time I straight up have had nothing to say to one of these kids. I did not have any advice to give; I had no clue what I should say next. That hurt, that I could not say what this kid needed to hear. Blah...
But then we went out. At ten we headed out to the bar, with me saying, "I have to be at work at 7, one beer and I am coming home." Yeah, notsomuch. Met a sweet bartender, had some drinks, got ripped on the entire night by aforementioned bartender. The night ended with a free shot from the bartender called a chocolate covered cherry. Awesome. But it was about 12:30 at this point. We then got home and stayed up for another hour. I mean, it was fun, but waking up the next morning kind of sucked...
I woke up at 6:30, hopped on my Huffy, and made the two mile ride in about 15 minutes. Usually the first few hours of the morning shift are easy because the kids sleep. Well, one woke up around 7:30 and we talked for the next three hours about a bunch of stuff. It was a great conversation, but not one to have when you are exhausted. Then another one of my kids woke up and that was another hour conversation or so. Thanksgiving was my toughest day at Hanson House, by far. It was really hard being there with the kids because they were apart from their families. The mood of the house was just...low. And for good reason. But once again I found myself with nothing to say because really, what could I say? I at least had some choice in being here. I can't imagine what it would be like for them. Nothing really happened all day, but it was really draining to be there. Then I went home and no one was there; we had been invited to a Thanksgiving dinner and they went but I obviously couldn't. I just kind of putzed around for a while then went to the house where we had our Thanksgiving. I was house sitting at this pretty sweet house, so we had it there. It was quite a bit of fun.
I need to back track once more. My community members told me I could deep fry our turkey if I found a deep fryer, thinking that there was no way I was going to follow through on it. Well, I win. Kind of. See, there were some issues. First, we had nothing to set the turkey on. Using hangers and a collander (sp?) we tried to jerry rig something. Fail. We then realized the crab pot we were using was too small for our turkey. Solution? Chop up the turkey and put in in a fish fryer that we then put into the crab pot. Winner! Next, we had no injector to use for the marinade. Solution? Turkey baster with a shish kabob stick inserted in it. Yeah...It worked a little bit. Then, we had no way to put the thermometer into the oil. Solution? buy a candy thermometer and wrap a hanger around it. Yup. We then went outside to deep fry our turkey. With the girls commenting that they had the hospital on speed dial. Well, we deep fried it, and it was fantastic. Next time (and there will be a next time) I will plan it out a little better and a little further in advance. But it was awesome. We had a really great meal and conversation and I was just happy to be there. We then watched a movie and passed out. Good day.
The plan for Friday was to go on a hike. But. We didn't. Watched football and laid around all day. Went out again that night. Tequila and diets...awful. But we had a really fun time. I ended up doing my happy dance(s) for everyone. Z had an interesting end to his night. We closed down the bar in style. Then I chased Z through the streets...well, street of Sitka, with him lying down in a vestibule at one point. Then we woke up on Saturday and actually went on a hike. The highlight? Seeing two pods of whales. It was incredible. They make one of the coolest noises I have ever heard. There were also a ton of eagles out, which was really neat. Then we played Scategories and watched 'Up.' All in all a solid night.
Sunday came and we drove Zach to the airport and went to Mass. Then I got a text from Z telling me that he couldn't take off. He ended up getting a ride to the place where mass was being held (not the church; the bishop always comes to Sitka and says the first Mass of Advent, and they have it at Centennial Hall. It was pretty cool). Why was his flight canceled? Boulders on the runway. But and we got to play some Ultimate together again. We ended up on the same team. It was a good time. Then he actually took off. Sad times. But it was good to see him. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. Tough being away from family, but it was a great group of people to spend Thanksgiving with. Hope all you guys had a good holiday!
Monday, November 16, 2009
"The day is coming where He will deck the devil!"
We recently started a quote board, and this is one of the few quotes on it that is appropriate to put in the public arena. My room mates might get angry with me if I put any more up. Yeah...we heard it while playing cards in the kitchen and listening to the radio...
So. Worst two week period yet. I have found that my kids really don't like to be held accountable. Like, really don't like to be held accountable. Frustration setting in...There have been a significant amount of conflicts that have arisen, over some pretty minor things. Up until this point I have found myself questioning the population that I was serving. I mean, I have friends serving very clearly marginalized populations but me...these kids are smart, many of them are not poor in a material sense, and generally extremely likable. But then some things happened and I started to realize that these examples, while the typical 'marginal' populations, is a very narrow scope of what marginal really means. Many of these kids have never been held accountable for anything, they have been allowed to get away with pretty much everything. A lot of parents equate 'love' with 'stuff' (and this is not isolated to just these kids; I can think of plenty of examples in my life). They haven't had too much exposure to a strong, supportive presence in their lives, and I hope that I am providing that, at least on some level. Unfortunately that sometime manifests itself in a authoritative presence. Not fun to do. But within all the conflict something pretty great happened - conversations happened, anger bore fruit and breakthroughs were made. Through those conversation, understanding emerged. Understanding about communication with each other, about roles, mine and theirs, and just the power of empathy has changed my relationship with some of these kids, but not in a bad way. All the anger and frustration I felt this week was somehow justified by two conversations I had at the end of the week. And that is a pretty cool feeling.
It has started to snow! For the past few weeks snow has begun to make its way down the surrounding mountains and that has been beautiful. But this week it started to snow in town and it brings a whole new element of beauty to Sitka. I love snow, always have. No different here. However, the weather has not been too fun over the past few days. A few examples. On Saturday I woke up and rode my bike to work. The wind was gusting at a pretty high rate. I got to work just as it started to hail. The hail then changed into rain which then changed into snow. It stopped snowing, the sun came out, and it was great...for about 15 minutes when it got dark and started to hail again. And this was 10 AM about then. Fun. Where I work is at the top of a pretty steep hill. As I left work the wind was pushing me uphill. I had to pedal down a hill, a pretty new experience for me. It was fun. Then this morning I went to the library and it was clear. About a half hour later it was snowing with about 100 foot visibility. Crazy...
A few things. First off, my job will be changing a bit. It is pretty much universally agreed on that my role at the high school is not strong enough; being there two days a week just doesn't give me the opportunity to support my clients as well as I could. So I will be going to the school Tues-Fri from 8-1, and then HH from 3-6 or so. I will eat dinner there sometimes. But yeah, hopefully this way I can provide a greater level of support to my clients by this. I am meeting with a few people at the school this week to discuss how that expansion might look. Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed at these tasks. Don't they realize that I am a 22-year-old recent college grad with a finance degree!?
Community is going really well. Some members are going a little stir crazy, but for the most part we are doing really well with each other. Of course, with the snow fall that is perfect packing snow, multiple impromptu snowball fights have broken out. Somehow it ends up being boys v girls, for some reason. Bad idea girls...Natalie is in Fairbanks this week, so we are a little shorthanded, but otherwise going strong.
GMAT prep is going. It is tough to get motivated sometime. It is a struggle preparing for this while staying present to my role here. It is tough, because as of right now this is not a permanent situation for me; my long term plans don't really include me staying in Sitka after this year (granted this could change, but just saying...). But I am doing my best to stay present in my community and at work. This has recently become my biggest struggle, especially as holidays start to come up.
Finally, my energy level is dropping a little. It tough, when it gets dark at 4 in the afternoon...Sorry again for the delay and the length; I just recently got a new computer (old one died) so hopefully I will get my act together and post more. Until next time...
So. Worst two week period yet. I have found that my kids really don't like to be held accountable. Like, really don't like to be held accountable. Frustration setting in...There have been a significant amount of conflicts that have arisen, over some pretty minor things. Up until this point I have found myself questioning the population that I was serving. I mean, I have friends serving very clearly marginalized populations but me...these kids are smart, many of them are not poor in a material sense, and generally extremely likable. But then some things happened and I started to realize that these examples, while the typical 'marginal' populations, is a very narrow scope of what marginal really means. Many of these kids have never been held accountable for anything, they have been allowed to get away with pretty much everything. A lot of parents equate 'love' with 'stuff' (and this is not isolated to just these kids; I can think of plenty of examples in my life). They haven't had too much exposure to a strong, supportive presence in their lives, and I hope that I am providing that, at least on some level. Unfortunately that sometime manifests itself in a authoritative presence. Not fun to do. But within all the conflict something pretty great happened - conversations happened, anger bore fruit and breakthroughs were made. Through those conversation, understanding emerged. Understanding about communication with each other, about roles, mine and theirs, and just the power of empathy has changed my relationship with some of these kids, but not in a bad way. All the anger and frustration I felt this week was somehow justified by two conversations I had at the end of the week. And that is a pretty cool feeling.
It has started to snow! For the past few weeks snow has begun to make its way down the surrounding mountains and that has been beautiful. But this week it started to snow in town and it brings a whole new element of beauty to Sitka. I love snow, always have. No different here. However, the weather has not been too fun over the past few days. A few examples. On Saturday I woke up and rode my bike to work. The wind was gusting at a pretty high rate. I got to work just as it started to hail. The hail then changed into rain which then changed into snow. It stopped snowing, the sun came out, and it was great...for about 15 minutes when it got dark and started to hail again. And this was 10 AM about then. Fun. Where I work is at the top of a pretty steep hill. As I left work the wind was pushing me uphill. I had to pedal down a hill, a pretty new experience for me. It was fun. Then this morning I went to the library and it was clear. About a half hour later it was snowing with about 100 foot visibility. Crazy...
A few things. First off, my job will be changing a bit. It is pretty much universally agreed on that my role at the high school is not strong enough; being there two days a week just doesn't give me the opportunity to support my clients as well as I could. So I will be going to the school Tues-Fri from 8-1, and then HH from 3-6 or so. I will eat dinner there sometimes. But yeah, hopefully this way I can provide a greater level of support to my clients by this. I am meeting with a few people at the school this week to discuss how that expansion might look. Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed at these tasks. Don't they realize that I am a 22-year-old recent college grad with a finance degree!?
Community is going really well. Some members are going a little stir crazy, but for the most part we are doing really well with each other. Of course, with the snow fall that is perfect packing snow, multiple impromptu snowball fights have broken out. Somehow it ends up being boys v girls, for some reason. Bad idea girls...Natalie is in Fairbanks this week, so we are a little shorthanded, but otherwise going strong.
GMAT prep is going. It is tough to get motivated sometime. It is a struggle preparing for this while staying present to my role here. It is tough, because as of right now this is not a permanent situation for me; my long term plans don't really include me staying in Sitka after this year (granted this could change, but just saying...). But I am doing my best to stay present in my community and at work. This has recently become my biggest struggle, especially as holidays start to come up.
Finally, my energy level is dropping a little. It tough, when it gets dark at 4 in the afternoon...Sorry again for the delay and the length; I just recently got a new computer (old one died) so hopefully I will get my act together and post more. Until next time...
Monday, November 2, 2009
Num num num num
So there has been a fair amount that has happened in the last few weeks. I went to Anchorage for a few days, then followed that up by meeting up with the three other Alaskan JV communities for our first retreat. Upon getting back I had a very good week at work, and then Halloween wrapped everything up nicely.
Although we did not have to be in Anchorage until Friday, John, a JV from Bethel, invited me to meet up with him and two of his community members to hang around Anchorage. So I flew in on Wednesday and was picked up by our area director Jamie. After a crash course on the layout of Anchorage I set out with a map in my pocket. It was...overwhelming. To be in a city again was kind of a weird experience. I remember thinking, "Oh hey, a building with more than two stories." Things that are integrated into daily life in Sitka were magnified there. I was asked for money, actually had to pay attention to cars and traffic lights, was not ready for the sensory overload that all the chains forced on me. It was a new experience, one that I wasn't entirely ready for. And I have only been here for 3 months! Then I got to Bean's Cafe, a soup kitchen and drop in center where two Anchorage JVs work. As I walked up wearing my clean, North Face pullover, my North Face backpack, some hiking shoes that I had been able to buy a week or so before that, and having just flown in from Sitka, I found myself extremely self-conscious. I wondered what everyone was thinking when they saw me walking into this soup kitchen. Homelessness is an issue in Sitka, but not to the extent that it is in a bigger city, and the homeless and the affluent are often in the same spot in Sitka; there really is no other choice. I found myself once again overwhelmed confronted with another extreme than I have experienced for the past three months. I went in and said hi to Trevor, who I only really recognized because of his name tag and he had no real idea who I was. I sat with him and Katie during their lunch hour and we shared experiences and job duties and how our years were going. It was great to get another perspective on a JV year in Alaska. Following that, I went to a coffee shop to write some letters and to wait for John. He got in around 3:30 and we set off to explore a bit of the city. We didn't get too far and went back to the JV house to introduce ourselves to the rest of the Anchorage JVs. We sat around and did the same thing; talked about our years and our jobs and experiences. John and I went out to dinner at Moose Tooth, a microbrewery and pizzeria that was very good. Following a conversation with a local geologist we set off to pick up PJ and Joe. Joe actually graduated from SLU...5 years ago :). Again, talking about the year and our experiences (sensing a theme?) over a few beers, we went back and went to sleep.
Thursday we woke up with a bit of a plan. Joe works with Native elders in Bethel and the Native gathering called the AFN was happening in Anchorage. We weren't sure what to expect so we wandered around until we found the keynote speaker. I don't know her name but she was probably one of the best speakers I have ever seen. She spoke about the struggles of the Native culture in Alaska, about how the current generations had to step up and preserve the memories and lessons of the elders, to take the elders struggles and work towards solidarity and more rights (Native rights in Alaska are still a huge issue). I found myself moved by her passion and knowledge, of her love for her people. And she couldn't have been older than 22, 23 years old. To have a leader like that is huge, and I still find myself thinking back to that time and how impressed I was. We then drove out to a trail and hiked up it. It was different than hiking in Sitka. We were on a mountain, but there were no trees, no switchbacks, not as wet. But it was still beautiful. On our way back down we saw 16 moose, with about 10 bulls or so. It was incredible. We made our way back to Anchorage, got ready to go out, had some dinner, then went out with the Anchorage house to a local bar. Complete with a metal detector at the door, two or three separate dance floors, and PBR and Busch on tap. Oh, and a kick ass cover band that played a diverse playlist that covered The Killers, U2, and Papa Roach. We had a great time dancing and hanging out with each other. Good times.
Then the retreat. This retreat was focused on community, and it was led by Charles, a deacon and iconagrapher from Juneau, and his wife Paula, an FJV who spent two years in Juneau. We were asked to focus on different things regarding communities, and they focused primarily on three different authors' ideas on community: Jean Vanier, who started the L'Arche movement, Dorothy Day, who was instrumental in the formation in the Catholic Worker Movement, and St. Benedict, who's rules for monastic living have formed the backbone of monastic communities for the last 600 years or so. We were forced to look at how our communities were living out the values and how we could improve, our relationships with ourselves, and our communities that we live and serve in. We came back with a few questions and a few things to explore, especially regarding social justice. The weekend solidified my answer of "Yes" to come to Alaska. While the lead up to coming to Sitka was a time of confusion, fear, and excitement, since I have been here I have not looked back at all. This weekend just solidified that.
So we had a great weekend, made some great connections with other communities, and said our good byes for the next 4 months or so. When we got back to Sitka we jumped right back into work. I had a very good week at work. The kids seemed to be in good moods, and there were some great conversations. In fact, my biggest complaint this week had to do with one of my co-workers. Which I hope will be my biggest complaint moving forward as well. I don't know, this was just a good week.
Punctuated by Halloween. We went as Ms. Pacman, with Evie playing that part, and the rest of us went as the ghosts. There is a dance that the public radio station puts on each year called the Stardust Ball, and the band this year was The Gourds. Remember that conversation that we all had during college, who sang that cover of 'Gin and Juice'? Yeah, it was the Gourds. We danced the night away and had a pretty great time. As the night progressed I accumulated many other people's costume components, some of which are in our living room. It was a pretty great two week period.
Although we did not have to be in Anchorage until Friday, John, a JV from Bethel, invited me to meet up with him and two of his community members to hang around Anchorage. So I flew in on Wednesday and was picked up by our area director Jamie. After a crash course on the layout of Anchorage I set out with a map in my pocket. It was...overwhelming. To be in a city again was kind of a weird experience. I remember thinking, "Oh hey, a building with more than two stories." Things that are integrated into daily life in Sitka were magnified there. I was asked for money, actually had to pay attention to cars and traffic lights, was not ready for the sensory overload that all the chains forced on me. It was a new experience, one that I wasn't entirely ready for. And I have only been here for 3 months! Then I got to Bean's Cafe, a soup kitchen and drop in center where two Anchorage JVs work. As I walked up wearing my clean, North Face pullover, my North Face backpack, some hiking shoes that I had been able to buy a week or so before that, and having just flown in from Sitka, I found myself extremely self-conscious. I wondered what everyone was thinking when they saw me walking into this soup kitchen. Homelessness is an issue in Sitka, but not to the extent that it is in a bigger city, and the homeless and the affluent are often in the same spot in Sitka; there really is no other choice. I found myself once again overwhelmed confronted with another extreme than I have experienced for the past three months. I went in and said hi to Trevor, who I only really recognized because of his name tag and he had no real idea who I was. I sat with him and Katie during their lunch hour and we shared experiences and job duties and how our years were going. It was great to get another perspective on a JV year in Alaska. Following that, I went to a coffee shop to write some letters and to wait for John. He got in around 3:30 and we set off to explore a bit of the city. We didn't get too far and went back to the JV house to introduce ourselves to the rest of the Anchorage JVs. We sat around and did the same thing; talked about our years and our jobs and experiences. John and I went out to dinner at Moose Tooth, a microbrewery and pizzeria that was very good. Following a conversation with a local geologist we set off to pick up PJ and Joe. Joe actually graduated from SLU...5 years ago :). Again, talking about the year and our experiences (sensing a theme?) over a few beers, we went back and went to sleep.
Thursday we woke up with a bit of a plan. Joe works with Native elders in Bethel and the Native gathering called the AFN was happening in Anchorage. We weren't sure what to expect so we wandered around until we found the keynote speaker. I don't know her name but she was probably one of the best speakers I have ever seen. She spoke about the struggles of the Native culture in Alaska, about how the current generations had to step up and preserve the memories and lessons of the elders, to take the elders struggles and work towards solidarity and more rights (Native rights in Alaska are still a huge issue). I found myself moved by her passion and knowledge, of her love for her people. And she couldn't have been older than 22, 23 years old. To have a leader like that is huge, and I still find myself thinking back to that time and how impressed I was. We then drove out to a trail and hiked up it. It was different than hiking in Sitka. We were on a mountain, but there were no trees, no switchbacks, not as wet. But it was still beautiful. On our way back down we saw 16 moose, with about 10 bulls or so. It was incredible. We made our way back to Anchorage, got ready to go out, had some dinner, then went out with the Anchorage house to a local bar. Complete with a metal detector at the door, two or three separate dance floors, and PBR and Busch on tap. Oh, and a kick ass cover band that played a diverse playlist that covered The Killers, U2, and Papa Roach. We had a great time dancing and hanging out with each other. Good times.
Then the retreat. This retreat was focused on community, and it was led by Charles, a deacon and iconagrapher from Juneau, and his wife Paula, an FJV who spent two years in Juneau. We were asked to focus on different things regarding communities, and they focused primarily on three different authors' ideas on community: Jean Vanier, who started the L'Arche movement, Dorothy Day, who was instrumental in the formation in the Catholic Worker Movement, and St. Benedict, who's rules for monastic living have formed the backbone of monastic communities for the last 600 years or so. We were forced to look at how our communities were living out the values and how we could improve, our relationships with ourselves, and our communities that we live and serve in. We came back with a few questions and a few things to explore, especially regarding social justice. The weekend solidified my answer of "Yes" to come to Alaska. While the lead up to coming to Sitka was a time of confusion, fear, and excitement, since I have been here I have not looked back at all. This weekend just solidified that.
So we had a great weekend, made some great connections with other communities, and said our good byes for the next 4 months or so. When we got back to Sitka we jumped right back into work. I had a very good week at work. The kids seemed to be in good moods, and there were some great conversations. In fact, my biggest complaint this week had to do with one of my co-workers. Which I hope will be my biggest complaint moving forward as well. I don't know, this was just a good week.
Punctuated by Halloween. We went as Ms. Pacman, with Evie playing that part, and the rest of us went as the ghosts. There is a dance that the public radio station puts on each year called the Stardust Ball, and the band this year was The Gourds. Remember that conversation that we all had during college, who sang that cover of 'Gin and Juice'? Yeah, it was the Gourds. We danced the night away and had a pretty great time. As the night progressed I accumulated many other people's costume components, some of which are in our living room. It was a pretty great two week period.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
"He has his own section of the hardware store"
In this episode of Greg's life in Sitka:
- Alaska Day
- Residents rebelling
- Where is October?
- Back to school?
So I know that it has been a while. It seems like when I sit down to write these, nothing has really happened. Then I turn around and there has been a ton that has happened. So sorry about that. So I am going to launch right into this...
So, the biggest event that has happened since we have been here happened this weekend. Alaska Day is October 18th and it marks the day when Alaska was transferred from Russian control to American control. And seeing as this is the 50th year of Alaskan statehood, this was a pretty big one. There were events all week. We went to the New Archangel dancers on Monday, a traditional Russian dance group, and that was a lot of fun. Then I had to miss some events because of work (more on that later), but we went to go watch the Army band on Friday night where we were regaled by such songs as "Tutti Fruti" and "Wipeout." It was pretty great. Then after a Saturday night in with the community members, Marcus (the youth minister at our parish) and Andrew (someone who knows Marcus), we woke up on Sunday. Alaska Day was finally here. Nick and I started out the day getting some black cod and rice. It was probably the best fish I have had since I have been here. It was nice and fatty, and was grilled perfectly. We sat on on the dock in the marina and watched two Blackhawks and a Coast Guard rescue helicopter cruise around the bay before they passed over the national cemetery. When they passed over us it was incredible. As we got ready for the parade we were all excited to check everything out and went to meet up with some of the Americorps. The parade was pretty fun. I'll post some pictures of it later. Not a huge, over-the-top event, but just fun. Pretty much every group in town had a car or presence in it. There were two bag pipe bands (One from Seattle, the other from Juneau), quite a few coasties, a National Guard contingent, and others. Also, there were three fly overs from helicopters (helicopters are awesome). Then the parade ended and we went to the bay to watch a demonstration of a Coast Guard rescue, helicopters and everything. It was intense and a good time; we watched it with Meg, a FJV from Buffalo who was in Sitka last year and a few of her friends. Then we went to the Westmark for a drink and met up with Dustin, a local guy that we have met a few times now. He is incredibly nice and fun to hang out with. He ended up paying for our drinks and bolting before we really had a chance to thank him. Also, there were three rainbows outside of the bar, all of which were at different angles. Gorgeous. Followed that up by going to a bag pipe band concert, and then we went out for the night...
I have promised my room mates that I will not recount our night here. Nothing too terrible, and all hysterical, but all awesome. I'll just throw a quick over view. Our night at the Pioneer Bar (or P Bar) began with me going from gay to engaged all in about 10 minutes, the girls being called stunning throughout the night, the entire bar chanting Katie's name, and Nick and myself just sitting back and laughing for a long, long time at what was going on. There are some creepy guys in Sitka...Oh, and we closed down the bar with the Seattle pipe band. It was awesome sitting in the bar with them playing and everyone clapping and yelling and dancing. When we finally got home a little after 2 we sat and wrote down some quotes...and there were some doozies.
Things have not gotten any easier at work. The kids actually like me and respond to me which is awesome...but they do not give that same respect to one of my co-workers and we are getting really frustrated with it. I don't know how to make these kids see that my co-worker isn't just some jerk who is there to get paid (a complaint I have heard). It has gotten really frustrating. Just reframing many of their views and trying to work with them and explain that they have to give respect to people regardless of how they think they are being treated. Had a really productive talk about integrity with a few of the residents last week. It was really cool because I saw the residents actually mindfully acting on what we had talked about. It is really interesting their views on everything, from relationships to movies to huge topics, such as racism. It is really interesting to talk with them and see their perspectives. So many times I will sit back after a conversation and reflect on something one of the residents said or a question they asked. I don't have all the answers for their questions. Some of their comments are insightful, intelligent, and quite frequently funny. A lot of times my own views and beliefs are challenged. These kids are so smart that talking with them can be really challenging. I'll often come home after work and just rant for a few minutes on what happened that day at work, and I think my roommates just kind of sit there like, "Uh, what are you talking about..." But it has been a challenging but productive few weeks.
One of the insecurities I have come across is wondering what difference I am making. Many of these kids are not from Sitka, and I am worried that when they go home they will just move right back to where they were when they were placed at HH. Sometimes I look at situations and wonder if that was real or if they just were doing it because they realize that they needed to act like they did, say what they did, because they think or know that it will get them out of HH that much faster. Not all the time, but it comes up.
The weather here has been spectaular. We were told so often that October was the worst month, that it was rainy and windy the entire time and it was just miserable. Yeah, notsomuch. It has been clear and incredible for the last few weeks. I don't get it. Nick and I turned on football on Sunday and saw that it was snowing in Boston. We were close to calling people we knew on the east coast and ask how the weather was. We didn't. But it was pretty funny that we are in Alaska and it is beautiful here and cold and snowy back home.
So I signed up for the GMAT...I know, I know, I hate school, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. Just not sure where I want to go. SLU, UB, and Canisius are pretty much the only schools I am thinking about right now. I don't really want to start over all over again in a new city. Thoughts?
A few more points. First, "Where the Wild Things Are" was awesome. I wasn't sure what to expect, and the best review I saw listed it as a movie about being a kid, not a kid's movie, which is the perfect thing to say about it. I really, really enjoyed it. Second, good job Bills, at least we won't go winless in the division again. I was right about the Cards, although it might have been a little different had Holliday not dropped a can of corn...And it looks like the Sabres are playing well. From what I understand Myers looks real good.
And my views on hunting have gotten interesting. A recent story came out about a 9 year old in Barrow (the northern most city in North America) delivering the killer blow on a whale, and one person posted the picture with the caption, "Well doesn't he look like the proud little murderer." I wanted to explode. I read through the comments and some people were saying things along the lines of, "Why can't they just go to the supermarket to get their meat like everyone else?" The frustration I felt at their ignorance was stunning. I wanted to post some response, calling them stupid and disrespectful. Subsistence hunting is significantly different than hunting for sport. These people depend on that meat to survive the winter. It isn't like it is easy for those people to get meat shipped up there, and many people couldn't afford it even if it was available. Finally, whaling is such a huge part of the native culture. It is so interesting to hear stories about hunts. And they use everything. I don't know. That was a really frustrating part of my week.
I can't believe it has been more than 2 months since I arrived here in Sitka. It seems like just yesterday I was saying good bye to my parents in the Buffalo airport to go meet Zach in Portland, then going through orientation, then getting off the plane here in Sitka. It is kind of funny though. We are becoming jaded to the scenery. Oh, we all still appreciate the beauty and don't take it for granted. But there isn't that, "Oh my gosh look at that! I need to grab my camera." That has been pretty interesting to see. (Oh, and by the way, the pictures don't do Sitka justice. Just saying...)
Hope you all are doing well.
- Alaska Day
- Residents rebelling
- Where is October?
- Back to school?
So I know that it has been a while. It seems like when I sit down to write these, nothing has really happened. Then I turn around and there has been a ton that has happened. So sorry about that. So I am going to launch right into this...
So, the biggest event that has happened since we have been here happened this weekend. Alaska Day is October 18th and it marks the day when Alaska was transferred from Russian control to American control. And seeing as this is the 50th year of Alaskan statehood, this was a pretty big one. There were events all week. We went to the New Archangel dancers on Monday, a traditional Russian dance group, and that was a lot of fun. Then I had to miss some events because of work (more on that later), but we went to go watch the Army band on Friday night where we were regaled by such songs as "Tutti Fruti" and "Wipeout." It was pretty great. Then after a Saturday night in with the community members, Marcus (the youth minister at our parish) and Andrew (someone who knows Marcus), we woke up on Sunday. Alaska Day was finally here. Nick and I started out the day getting some black cod and rice. It was probably the best fish I have had since I have been here. It was nice and fatty, and was grilled perfectly. We sat on on the dock in the marina and watched two Blackhawks and a Coast Guard rescue helicopter cruise around the bay before they passed over the national cemetery. When they passed over us it was incredible. As we got ready for the parade we were all excited to check everything out and went to meet up with some of the Americorps. The parade was pretty fun. I'll post some pictures of it later. Not a huge, over-the-top event, but just fun. Pretty much every group in town had a car or presence in it. There were two bag pipe bands (One from Seattle, the other from Juneau), quite a few coasties, a National Guard contingent, and others. Also, there were three fly overs from helicopters (helicopters are awesome). Then the parade ended and we went to the bay to watch a demonstration of a Coast Guard rescue, helicopters and everything. It was intense and a good time; we watched it with Meg, a FJV from Buffalo who was in Sitka last year and a few of her friends. Then we went to the Westmark for a drink and met up with Dustin, a local guy that we have met a few times now. He is incredibly nice and fun to hang out with. He ended up paying for our drinks and bolting before we really had a chance to thank him. Also, there were three rainbows outside of the bar, all of which were at different angles. Gorgeous. Followed that up by going to a bag pipe band concert, and then we went out for the night...
I have promised my room mates that I will not recount our night here. Nothing too terrible, and all hysterical, but all awesome. I'll just throw a quick over view. Our night at the Pioneer Bar (or P Bar) began with me going from gay to engaged all in about 10 minutes, the girls being called stunning throughout the night, the entire bar chanting Katie's name, and Nick and myself just sitting back and laughing for a long, long time at what was going on. There are some creepy guys in Sitka...Oh, and we closed down the bar with the Seattle pipe band. It was awesome sitting in the bar with them playing and everyone clapping and yelling and dancing. When we finally got home a little after 2 we sat and wrote down some quotes...and there were some doozies.
Things have not gotten any easier at work. The kids actually like me and respond to me which is awesome...but they do not give that same respect to one of my co-workers and we are getting really frustrated with it. I don't know how to make these kids see that my co-worker isn't just some jerk who is there to get paid (a complaint I have heard). It has gotten really frustrating. Just reframing many of their views and trying to work with them and explain that they have to give respect to people regardless of how they think they are being treated. Had a really productive talk about integrity with a few of the residents last week. It was really cool because I saw the residents actually mindfully acting on what we had talked about. It is really interesting their views on everything, from relationships to movies to huge topics, such as racism. It is really interesting to talk with them and see their perspectives. So many times I will sit back after a conversation and reflect on something one of the residents said or a question they asked. I don't have all the answers for their questions. Some of their comments are insightful, intelligent, and quite frequently funny. A lot of times my own views and beliefs are challenged. These kids are so smart that talking with them can be really challenging. I'll often come home after work and just rant for a few minutes on what happened that day at work, and I think my roommates just kind of sit there like, "Uh, what are you talking about..." But it has been a challenging but productive few weeks.
One of the insecurities I have come across is wondering what difference I am making. Many of these kids are not from Sitka, and I am worried that when they go home they will just move right back to where they were when they were placed at HH. Sometimes I look at situations and wonder if that was real or if they just were doing it because they realize that they needed to act like they did, say what they did, because they think or know that it will get them out of HH that much faster. Not all the time, but it comes up.
The weather here has been spectaular. We were told so often that October was the worst month, that it was rainy and windy the entire time and it was just miserable. Yeah, notsomuch. It has been clear and incredible for the last few weeks. I don't get it. Nick and I turned on football on Sunday and saw that it was snowing in Boston. We were close to calling people we knew on the east coast and ask how the weather was. We didn't. But it was pretty funny that we are in Alaska and it is beautiful here and cold and snowy back home.
So I signed up for the GMAT...I know, I know, I hate school, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. Just not sure where I want to go. SLU, UB, and Canisius are pretty much the only schools I am thinking about right now. I don't really want to start over all over again in a new city. Thoughts?
A few more points. First, "Where the Wild Things Are" was awesome. I wasn't sure what to expect, and the best review I saw listed it as a movie about being a kid, not a kid's movie, which is the perfect thing to say about it. I really, really enjoyed it. Second, good job Bills, at least we won't go winless in the division again. I was right about the Cards, although it might have been a little different had Holliday not dropped a can of corn...And it looks like the Sabres are playing well. From what I understand Myers looks real good.
And my views on hunting have gotten interesting. A recent story came out about a 9 year old in Barrow (the northern most city in North America) delivering the killer blow on a whale, and one person posted the picture with the caption, "Well doesn't he look like the proud little murderer." I wanted to explode. I read through the comments and some people were saying things along the lines of, "Why can't they just go to the supermarket to get their meat like everyone else?" The frustration I felt at their ignorance was stunning. I wanted to post some response, calling them stupid and disrespectful. Subsistence hunting is significantly different than hunting for sport. These people depend on that meat to survive the winter. It isn't like it is easy for those people to get meat shipped up there, and many people couldn't afford it even if it was available. Finally, whaling is such a huge part of the native culture. It is so interesting to hear stories about hunts. And they use everything. I don't know. That was a really frustrating part of my week.
I can't believe it has been more than 2 months since I arrived here in Sitka. It seems like just yesterday I was saying good bye to my parents in the Buffalo airport to go meet Zach in Portland, then going through orientation, then getting off the plane here in Sitka. It is kind of funny though. We are becoming jaded to the scenery. Oh, we all still appreciate the beauty and don't take it for granted. But there isn't that, "Oh my gosh look at that! I need to grab my camera." That has been pretty interesting to see. (Oh, and by the way, the pictures don't do Sitka justice. Just saying...)
Hope you all are doing well.
Friday, October 2, 2009
A much needed update
Again I find myself waiting a few weeks to update. Rather, not really having the time that I would like to update. But I will try to make this one a little longer (as if these aren’t long enough). Things have continued to snowball and become bigger and bigger, demanding more of my time and energy. I recently had a small exchange with a friend doing JVC in Houston, Gabe, and she stated that she has found herself busier while there than at school, if that was possible. I find myself realizing the same thing. And yet I find myself enjoying it. I enjoy the struggles. I enjoy the questions. I enjoy the productivity. But most importantly, I enjoy the people that have been chosen to be me with me throughout this year. I know I have harped on the community, but as each day passes and we spend more time together, the strength of, well, us is extremely reassuring. To know that I have that environment to go home to is a constant reassurance of the support that has been placed around me, both here and at home. A quick snap shot of our past few nights:
Two members running around at 11:30 PM attempting to pants each other, which leads to one screaming like a monkey and waking up our fifth community member.
Watching “The Office” and “Community,” while knitting, reading, and commencing conversations when the commercials come on and promptly cutting them off when the commercials are over.
Planning on our potlatch with Sarah Palin (more on this later).
Just a snap shot. But a pretty great representation of our time here. All the while taking about poop and farting (anyone remember doorknobs? It has experienced something of a revival in our house). And while we may not sleep together in a tent every night, I would say we have gotten pretty close.
I think that simplicity is quite possibly one of the most overwhelming concepts that I have tried to wrap my mind around. It is pretty hard to be simple when we get so much thrown at us! For instance, the Sea Mart milk man stopped by again. I realized this when I got home to six bags of tortilla chips on the counter. “Uh. Why do we have six bags of tortilla chips sitting here,” was my response to that. Being the money man of the house, I tend to worry about such things. “Oh, we don’t have six,” was Nick’s response. I then proceeded to search around the kitchen to find four more bags. That is right, ten bags of tortilla chips. I was unaware that tortilla chips could even go bad. Oh, and then I opened up the fridge and found two blocks of cheese, one moldy, and six pineapple cottage cheeses. After expressing my disbelief that people actually liked pineapple cottage cheese (One response: Uh, apparently not), we laughed for a bit. But the generosity of people in the town has really surprised me. And it isn’t even deer season when we will have deer dropped off pretty regularly. It is just hard to live completely simply when so many people are giving us stuff. In my mind it continues to speak about how important agencies like the JVC or the Diocesan Service Corps (or DSC…shameless plug mum ) are considered to be by local communities. And how proud I am to be included in that legacy.
The struggles. Recently, past insecurities have started to creep into my psyche. From questions as small as, “I wonder if so-and-so actually likes me,” to, “Am I really the best person for this job,” or, “Is this really what I should be doing with my year?” To even question who I am and my motivations. It is hard being here. It is hard waking up, hearing the driving rain, and forcing myself to get out of bed and get to the shower, even knowing that I have to ride my bike that two miles to work, uphill (but only one way) in that wind and that rain. It is hard balancing my insecurities with the insecurities of a teenager (although sometimes I have used that to relate to the kids). But within that comes the questions of boundaries…again. I have fielded some really fun questions over the past two weeks or so. “How much did you drink in college?” “Have you ever been in love?” “How many girls have you dated?” “Have you ever been arrested?” “What is the worst thing you have ever done?” Some of these I can redirect or reframe, or in some cases even state, “You know, I don’t think I should be sharing something like that with you.” But with each question comes answers and deeper consideration of any number of topics, at least at the internal level. But the differences from now and from my even more recent past? I am acknowledging these. In the past I was prone to letting them sit, trying to force them out of my comfort zone and ignore them until the built up and came out in an inappropriate setting or way, or at an undeserving person. Now, I find myself addressing them both internally (my journal has gotten a lot of use recently) and externally, with friends in ways such as letters and emails. I think that is the one way I have changed the most in the past year; when something is bothering me I search out a way to address it in a fairly timely fashion. I understand that not all of my problem will be solved instantly, but it does help calm me down and approach it rationally, rather than let it build up. So that is good, I suppose. (And I am not telling you guys this to get reassurances; while they are helpful I am certainly not fishing. Just trying to give you guys a decent representation of my mindset and attitude.)
Probably the biggest event in the past two weeks was the blessing of the presence of our area director, Jamie, who is a SLU grad. It was great to have her here. Just being able to vocalize my year to someone who has had her own time to reflect on her year in the JVC and a sounding board to talk about my experiences in such a personal manner was incredibly helpful. We went on a great hike, which went from Herring Cove to Beaver Lake. If anyone comes to visit, I can tell you that will be the first hike I take you on. The scenery was amazing (as usual) and it was not a difficult hike. The first twenty minutes or so was uphill, but after that is was relatively level. It was a nice hike, and one that I really enjoyed. Obviously. Then Jamie led a great spirituality night, one that was centered on readings from a book on liberation theology, a subject I admittedly have very little knowledge on. But again, it was great to reflect in that setting, getting questions and thought provoking prompts on our time here. After the first two nights it really seemed like we had a sixth community member. But unfortunately she had to leave after five days here. She flew off to Juneau to spend time with the house there, and then she will continue on to Bethel and Anchorage where she will meet us for our first retreat. So with good wishes and many a, “See you in Anchorage!” she was off and on her way.
This week has been pretty low key. Nothing really happened Monday. Katie and I woke up at 7:30 to go on a hike that was pretty awesome. There were a ton of stair, but when we got to the top and walked along the ridge line it was awesome. Then the past few days have been work. Except for yesterday. Well, I worked yesterday. But October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, at least here in Sitka. Nick and Natalie work at the DV shelter in town, so we went to the kick-off. While cool to see all the support, the proceedings admittedly kind of dragged on. Then we got to the open mike portion of the night. A young man who calls himself Half-Smoked (he is half white and half Native) performed a song he wrote. I forget the name of it, but it was all about the struggles that he has been through in his life and the times that he has felt helpless. Most of the song was about seeing his mother be physically abused and his lack of ability to help her or stop the act. As I looked around the room we were in I saw more than a few tears in the eyes of many of the people who were present, men and women. I listened to the lyrics, shocked at both the raw intensity of the language and the passion at which he recited those lyrics. I found myself stepping back for a moment, viewing the situation from a different perspective. I have always been aware of domestic violence. While in social work classes it came up quite frequently. But, as in everything, there is difference in being aware of something and actually being in the presence of someone who has experienced it. I am not going to pretend to be an expert on this. Or even to have spoken to these women I found myself surrounded by, to have heard those stories. I will leave that to my community members who deal with that reality every day. But seeing the pain and, more importantly, the healing in that room opened my eyes to the reality of that situation. I suppose that is the core of my being here, in Alaska and the JVC, to open my eyes to those realities, to not push them under the rug because it can be uncomfortable to discuss or even face. My life has been pretty solid thus far. Sure, I have had my fair share of ups and downs, may have been bullied and put my trust in the wrong places along the way. But at the end of the day, I have had a life that has consisted of a family that loves me, friends that care about me, and opportunities that many, many others haven’t had. And while I will probably not be involved in a career that will be a social service, I can still use the skills and the experience I have in both my every day business dealings as well as my outside interests. I wouldn’t say this is a ‘guilt trip’ or anything like that. At some point I just feel that I have some responsibility to put this experience, along with the many other justice-related experiences I have had throughout my life, to use. I have no idea what that is going to look like just yet, but as time goes on I hope that I am able to figure that out.
Alright, looking towards the future. I have two potential projects coming down the pipeline that would make time here A) more fun and B) more meaningful to me. I am reluctant to share those just yet because I am not certain on what those will look like or even if they come together, but as those evolve and I get a better picture of what that looks like I will make sure to keep you guys updated. I also have had some questions about what life after JVC is going to look like, but again, I want to get my head screwed on right before that as well. But. I will be going to Anchorage for a few days before my retreat. I got pretty close to a few of the guys in Bethel and John invited me to hang out with them for a little while before the retreat. Hiking, exploring Anchorage a bit. I hope it’ll be pretty cool. We should probably let the Anchorage house know…but I am looking forward to that. But coming up on October 18 is Alaska Day! I am pumped. We have two bag pipe bands coming in, one from Seattle, one from Juneau, pretty much every Alaskan politician, including Ted Stevens, he of ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ fame, and apparently a lot of drunken revelry. The ferry schedule is adjusted so that we have a ton of boats coming in. There is an entire week of festivities including an open house at the Coast Guard base, many events in and around town, and then the parade on that Sunday, the 18th (the actual week is the 11-18). But we will be extending an invitation to Sarah Palin to join us for dinner one night. To show support for the thousands of Americans who are giving up their time and energy to providing service to their country. Or something like that. If that happens, the title of this blog will be changed to “My JV Year; Or How I met Sarah Palin.” And you can all hold me to that.
Oh, and Bills? Please stop sucking and beat the Dolphins. Please?
Two members running around at 11:30 PM attempting to pants each other, which leads to one screaming like a monkey and waking up our fifth community member.
Watching “The Office” and “Community,” while knitting, reading, and commencing conversations when the commercials come on and promptly cutting them off when the commercials are over.
Planning on our potlatch with Sarah Palin (more on this later).
Just a snap shot. But a pretty great representation of our time here. All the while taking about poop and farting (anyone remember doorknobs? It has experienced something of a revival in our house). And while we may not sleep together in a tent every night, I would say we have gotten pretty close.
I think that simplicity is quite possibly one of the most overwhelming concepts that I have tried to wrap my mind around. It is pretty hard to be simple when we get so much thrown at us! For instance, the Sea Mart milk man stopped by again. I realized this when I got home to six bags of tortilla chips on the counter. “Uh. Why do we have six bags of tortilla chips sitting here,” was my response to that. Being the money man of the house, I tend to worry about such things. “Oh, we don’t have six,” was Nick’s response. I then proceeded to search around the kitchen to find four more bags. That is right, ten bags of tortilla chips. I was unaware that tortilla chips could even go bad. Oh, and then I opened up the fridge and found two blocks of cheese, one moldy, and six pineapple cottage cheeses. After expressing my disbelief that people actually liked pineapple cottage cheese (One response: Uh, apparently not), we laughed for a bit. But the generosity of people in the town has really surprised me. And it isn’t even deer season when we will have deer dropped off pretty regularly. It is just hard to live completely simply when so many people are giving us stuff. In my mind it continues to speak about how important agencies like the JVC or the Diocesan Service Corps (or DSC…shameless plug mum ) are considered to be by local communities. And how proud I am to be included in that legacy.
The struggles. Recently, past insecurities have started to creep into my psyche. From questions as small as, “I wonder if so-and-so actually likes me,” to, “Am I really the best person for this job,” or, “Is this really what I should be doing with my year?” To even question who I am and my motivations. It is hard being here. It is hard waking up, hearing the driving rain, and forcing myself to get out of bed and get to the shower, even knowing that I have to ride my bike that two miles to work, uphill (but only one way) in that wind and that rain. It is hard balancing my insecurities with the insecurities of a teenager (although sometimes I have used that to relate to the kids). But within that comes the questions of boundaries…again. I have fielded some really fun questions over the past two weeks or so. “How much did you drink in college?” “Have you ever been in love?” “How many girls have you dated?” “Have you ever been arrested?” “What is the worst thing you have ever done?” Some of these I can redirect or reframe, or in some cases even state, “You know, I don’t think I should be sharing something like that with you.” But with each question comes answers and deeper consideration of any number of topics, at least at the internal level. But the differences from now and from my even more recent past? I am acknowledging these. In the past I was prone to letting them sit, trying to force them out of my comfort zone and ignore them until the built up and came out in an inappropriate setting or way, or at an undeserving person. Now, I find myself addressing them both internally (my journal has gotten a lot of use recently) and externally, with friends in ways such as letters and emails. I think that is the one way I have changed the most in the past year; when something is bothering me I search out a way to address it in a fairly timely fashion. I understand that not all of my problem will be solved instantly, but it does help calm me down and approach it rationally, rather than let it build up. So that is good, I suppose. (And I am not telling you guys this to get reassurances; while they are helpful I am certainly not fishing. Just trying to give you guys a decent representation of my mindset and attitude.)
Probably the biggest event in the past two weeks was the blessing of the presence of our area director, Jamie, who is a SLU grad. It was great to have her here. Just being able to vocalize my year to someone who has had her own time to reflect on her year in the JVC and a sounding board to talk about my experiences in such a personal manner was incredibly helpful. We went on a great hike, which went from Herring Cove to Beaver Lake. If anyone comes to visit, I can tell you that will be the first hike I take you on. The scenery was amazing (as usual) and it was not a difficult hike. The first twenty minutes or so was uphill, but after that is was relatively level. It was a nice hike, and one that I really enjoyed. Obviously. Then Jamie led a great spirituality night, one that was centered on readings from a book on liberation theology, a subject I admittedly have very little knowledge on. But again, it was great to reflect in that setting, getting questions and thought provoking prompts on our time here. After the first two nights it really seemed like we had a sixth community member. But unfortunately she had to leave after five days here. She flew off to Juneau to spend time with the house there, and then she will continue on to Bethel and Anchorage where she will meet us for our first retreat. So with good wishes and many a, “See you in Anchorage!” she was off and on her way.
This week has been pretty low key. Nothing really happened Monday. Katie and I woke up at 7:30 to go on a hike that was pretty awesome. There were a ton of stair, but when we got to the top and walked along the ridge line it was awesome. Then the past few days have been work. Except for yesterday. Well, I worked yesterday. But October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, at least here in Sitka. Nick and Natalie work at the DV shelter in town, so we went to the kick-off. While cool to see all the support, the proceedings admittedly kind of dragged on. Then we got to the open mike portion of the night. A young man who calls himself Half-Smoked (he is half white and half Native) performed a song he wrote. I forget the name of it, but it was all about the struggles that he has been through in his life and the times that he has felt helpless. Most of the song was about seeing his mother be physically abused and his lack of ability to help her or stop the act. As I looked around the room we were in I saw more than a few tears in the eyes of many of the people who were present, men and women. I listened to the lyrics, shocked at both the raw intensity of the language and the passion at which he recited those lyrics. I found myself stepping back for a moment, viewing the situation from a different perspective. I have always been aware of domestic violence. While in social work classes it came up quite frequently. But, as in everything, there is difference in being aware of something and actually being in the presence of someone who has experienced it. I am not going to pretend to be an expert on this. Or even to have spoken to these women I found myself surrounded by, to have heard those stories. I will leave that to my community members who deal with that reality every day. But seeing the pain and, more importantly, the healing in that room opened my eyes to the reality of that situation. I suppose that is the core of my being here, in Alaska and the JVC, to open my eyes to those realities, to not push them under the rug because it can be uncomfortable to discuss or even face. My life has been pretty solid thus far. Sure, I have had my fair share of ups and downs, may have been bullied and put my trust in the wrong places along the way. But at the end of the day, I have had a life that has consisted of a family that loves me, friends that care about me, and opportunities that many, many others haven’t had. And while I will probably not be involved in a career that will be a social service, I can still use the skills and the experience I have in both my every day business dealings as well as my outside interests. I wouldn’t say this is a ‘guilt trip’ or anything like that. At some point I just feel that I have some responsibility to put this experience, along with the many other justice-related experiences I have had throughout my life, to use. I have no idea what that is going to look like just yet, but as time goes on I hope that I am able to figure that out.
Alright, looking towards the future. I have two potential projects coming down the pipeline that would make time here A) more fun and B) more meaningful to me. I am reluctant to share those just yet because I am not certain on what those will look like or even if they come together, but as those evolve and I get a better picture of what that looks like I will make sure to keep you guys updated. I also have had some questions about what life after JVC is going to look like, but again, I want to get my head screwed on right before that as well. But. I will be going to Anchorage for a few days before my retreat. I got pretty close to a few of the guys in Bethel and John invited me to hang out with them for a little while before the retreat. Hiking, exploring Anchorage a bit. I hope it’ll be pretty cool. We should probably let the Anchorage house know…but I am looking forward to that. But coming up on October 18 is Alaska Day! I am pumped. We have two bag pipe bands coming in, one from Seattle, one from Juneau, pretty much every Alaskan politician, including Ted Stevens, he of ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ fame, and apparently a lot of drunken revelry. The ferry schedule is adjusted so that we have a ton of boats coming in. There is an entire week of festivities including an open house at the Coast Guard base, many events in and around town, and then the parade on that Sunday, the 18th (the actual week is the 11-18). But we will be extending an invitation to Sarah Palin to join us for dinner one night. To show support for the thousands of Americans who are giving up their time and energy to providing service to their country. Or something like that. If that happens, the title of this blog will be changed to “My JV Year; Or How I met Sarah Palin.” And you can all hold me to that.
Oh, and Bills? Please stop sucking and beat the Dolphins. Please?
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Sea Mart milk man, welcome to Sitka
So I got home yesterday and as I was walking in the back door I noticed that the refrigerator door was open. As it didn't close as I walked in, I kind of turned the corner. Very confused. Well, Nick and Natalie were putting yogurt and milk in the fridge. Actually, trying to put yogurt and milk into the fridge would be a better statement. See, the Sea Mart milk man dropped off 8 gallons of milk (in the form of 16 half gallons) and at least 75 yogurts. Probably above 100. We just didn't feel like counting. What's the catch? 8 of the half gallons expired 9/12. The other eight expired 9/17. So most of those are frozen. Our entire vegetable crisper is filled with yogurt. There are random yogurts (all of which are also expired) just strewn across the landscape of our fridge. So, I will be consuming a lot of dairy over the next few weeks. Just another random moment in Sitka...
Well, the honeymoon is over. Work has begun to become challenging. I have started to gain the kids' trust as the weeks progress, so that has magnified their reactions to me. Both to the positive and to the negative. The highs have been higher, and the lows have definitely lower. Last weekend was especially tough for a few different reasons. Teenagers, as all of us know from experience, can be extremely volatile. No different with these kids. My job has kind of evolved in a way to just making sure the kids know that the members of the staff, and especially myself, are not against them. But the flip side of that is to try and draw that line of friendship clearly in the sand, that we aren't friends. While I am a support and I am there to talk to the kids about what is going on with them, I do have other responsibilities, primarily keeping within their treatment plans and the regs of HH. That has been the toughest aspect because I do really like these kids.
I finally got the, "Well you're only doing this for the money!" Ha. I started laughing (not really the best move at the time) and kind of explained what exactly I was doing in Sitka and why I am at HH. Diffused the situation really well. But that has spurred a lot of conversations about my life and the decisions that led me to join the JVC and what the program entails. The toughest one came yesterday at school. During lunch now a lot of my clients come and sit in my office and talk and give me crap. One of them asked, "So wait, you are only going to be here for a year? And then what? Are you going home?" My response was, "Well, maybe, probably. Its tough to be away from my family and friends." The next comment caught me off guard. "Well, you should stay." Not entirely sure how to respond. Still not entirely sure what to make of it. I muttered something about nothing is set in stone, I still have 11 months, etc. But yeah. Not sure where to go with this train of thought, so I'll just move on.
We have continued to meet people in the community. As the cruise traffic has slowed down (the last boat comes in Thursday or Friday), the town has started to settle. We've begun to see the same people in the same places, so we have started having conversations with these people. We also are starting to form our niches here. Katie helps out with the Youth Group at our local parish. Nick is trying to figure out a role within the parish as well (he was going to help out with the sacrament classes, but the time commitment was insane). Natalie is looking to help out with Chelan, the produce truck. Evie got an application for the White E, the local thrift store. I am going to be helping out with, if not running, an extracurricular for the school system (might be a drama production with middle schoolers...). I might try to start an ultimate club as well, possibly getting some high schoolers involved. I had a meeting with Annette, the executive director of YAS yesterday and she told me to think about my skills and different ways I would like to be utilized by the agency so I am also looking into that (I get kicked out of my office in the high school at 1:30, so we are trying to look into different things I can do).
We have made pretty solid contact with the Americorps here (well, some of the 19 that are here right now). I have met a few people through playing ultimate on Sundays. We had a bunch of them over last night, and it was a lot of fun. Not a huge blow out party, but we played corn hole, cards, Bananagrams, and just sat around and talked. We had about 20 people here and it was just a solid time. We've met some really fun people, and a lot of people have extended invitations to us. I guess what I am trying to say here is despite all the troubles, the anxiety, and the frustrating situations this place is really starting to feel like home. It doesn't feel like I am on vacation with four people I just met; when I leave work it is starting to feel like I am going home.
And I was going to talk about the Bills game. But there would be a lot of expletives and typing in caps lock a lot. So I will spare you that. However, Notre Dame might choke more than the Bills. But their o-line looks really, really good. Cards need to get their act together. Ohio State needs to learn how to use Pryor. Penn State hasn't really played anyone. Ditto Florida (the Citadel and Troy? "But they looked really good during those games!" Yeah, schedule someone tough). Those are my minimal, random thoughts on sports going on. And I am writing this while watching football....yeah...
Well, the honeymoon is over. Work has begun to become challenging. I have started to gain the kids' trust as the weeks progress, so that has magnified their reactions to me. Both to the positive and to the negative. The highs have been higher, and the lows have definitely lower. Last weekend was especially tough for a few different reasons. Teenagers, as all of us know from experience, can be extremely volatile. No different with these kids. My job has kind of evolved in a way to just making sure the kids know that the members of the staff, and especially myself, are not against them. But the flip side of that is to try and draw that line of friendship clearly in the sand, that we aren't friends. While I am a support and I am there to talk to the kids about what is going on with them, I do have other responsibilities, primarily keeping within their treatment plans and the regs of HH. That has been the toughest aspect because I do really like these kids.
I finally got the, "Well you're only doing this for the money!" Ha. I started laughing (not really the best move at the time) and kind of explained what exactly I was doing in Sitka and why I am at HH. Diffused the situation really well. But that has spurred a lot of conversations about my life and the decisions that led me to join the JVC and what the program entails. The toughest one came yesterday at school. During lunch now a lot of my clients come and sit in my office and talk and give me crap. One of them asked, "So wait, you are only going to be here for a year? And then what? Are you going home?" My response was, "Well, maybe, probably. Its tough to be away from my family and friends." The next comment caught me off guard. "Well, you should stay." Not entirely sure how to respond. Still not entirely sure what to make of it. I muttered something about nothing is set in stone, I still have 11 months, etc. But yeah. Not sure where to go with this train of thought, so I'll just move on.
We have continued to meet people in the community. As the cruise traffic has slowed down (the last boat comes in Thursday or Friday), the town has started to settle. We've begun to see the same people in the same places, so we have started having conversations with these people. We also are starting to form our niches here. Katie helps out with the Youth Group at our local parish. Nick is trying to figure out a role within the parish as well (he was going to help out with the sacrament classes, but the time commitment was insane). Natalie is looking to help out with Chelan, the produce truck. Evie got an application for the White E, the local thrift store. I am going to be helping out with, if not running, an extracurricular for the school system (might be a drama production with middle schoolers...). I might try to start an ultimate club as well, possibly getting some high schoolers involved. I had a meeting with Annette, the executive director of YAS yesterday and she told me to think about my skills and different ways I would like to be utilized by the agency so I am also looking into that (I get kicked out of my office in the high school at 1:30, so we are trying to look into different things I can do).
We have made pretty solid contact with the Americorps here (well, some of the 19 that are here right now). I have met a few people through playing ultimate on Sundays. We had a bunch of them over last night, and it was a lot of fun. Not a huge blow out party, but we played corn hole, cards, Bananagrams, and just sat around and talked. We had about 20 people here and it was just a solid time. We've met some really fun people, and a lot of people have extended invitations to us. I guess what I am trying to say here is despite all the troubles, the anxiety, and the frustrating situations this place is really starting to feel like home. It doesn't feel like I am on vacation with four people I just met; when I leave work it is starting to feel like I am going home.
And I was going to talk about the Bills game. But there would be a lot of expletives and typing in caps lock a lot. So I will spare you that. However, Notre Dame might choke more than the Bills. But their o-line looks really, really good. Cards need to get their act together. Ohio State needs to learn how to use Pryor. Penn State hasn't really played anyone. Ditto Florida (the Citadel and Troy? "But they looked really good during those games!" Yeah, schedule someone tough). Those are my minimal, random thoughts on sports going on. And I am writing this while watching football....yeah...
Friday, September 11, 2009
If you can't see it, don't worry about it. If you can, you'll see why I get along so well with these people.
One of my community members organized a beach combing trip last weekend. There was a story in the paper about it today, and she had to submit some things for it. The caption of the picture read like so: "Organizers said the trip left everyone smiling and just a little wet." She had no idea what she did.
The best part? I was not the first person to say it...
The best part? I was not the first person to say it...
If I am having a boring day that means someone else is having a good day.
Natalie said that on her way out the door one afternoon following lunch and it has stuck with me throughout this time. Especially during my time in the high school when I don't really have too many kids come through my office (although that has begun to change a bit, which is awesome). I have really started to settle in at my placements. The relationships I have started to form are seemingly worthwhile. There are definitely challenges (and boy, have there been some challenges recently), but they are adolescent teenagers; what did I expect? (This is really hard with the whole confidentiality thing, if you hadn't already picked up on that) But I really enjoy it. Still happy, still good, just starting to move into that challenging aspect of the placement, which was expected.
Yesterday was a lot of fun. I got off work at 11 pm on Wednesday. I had a staff meeting from 8-10 on one side of town. Then I had to ride my bike to the other side of town to the high school. Then I rode my bike back to the other side of town for another staff meeting, but when I got there found out it was canceled, so I rode back home. Which is right by the high school. Oh yeah, and it was 55 degrees, pouring rain, and the wind was gusting up to 40 mph. I guess you could call it my 'Welcome to SE Alaska' moment. I have 2-3 months of that ahead too. Glad I at least got to see some nice weather before it turns real crappy...
Things here, while hectic, have started to settle into a routine. Our door is constantly opening and closing, people are cycling in and out. We are figuring out how to handle maintaining our community while juggling our crazy schedules. And you know what? It is going really well. We are starting to settle into our 'roles' in the house. Mine is that of the father (I know, right). Last week, Katie (or Kakevin) decided that we were like the family. I was the father because I am somewhat responsible, get everyone motivated and excited, and everyone is scared of me (their words, not mine). After a certain amount of laughter she looked at Nick and told him he was the mother. Evie is the oldest sister, Katie is the middle brother (her level of maturity is roughly around 14 years old), and Natalie is the youngest sister. Since then, we have participated in family-centric activities, such as boys vs. girl cornhole. Katie and I won. I like to watch football while Nick does the dishes. Katie likes to pull pranks and antagonize everyone in the house. Its a pretty interesting dynamic.
With that being said, our community experience has been very strong so far. Our nights are highlighted by our card games, cornhole games, watching a movie or t.v. show (we ran through seasons 1-4 of 'The Office.' If anyone has season 5 that they want to donate to the house, let me know...), or just silently reading together in the living room. Our dinner conversations swing from the ridiculous (see roles, family) to the fairly deep (health care reform, American life) and back again. Empty threats fly around the house at a fairly frequent pace. We even fart around each other (Let me tell you, nothing builds community like farting with someone else...). I really enjoy coming home after work and just relaxing with everyone. Our lack of expectations for each other and open minds has really led to a great dynamic in the house. I could go on for a really long time about the community, but I will stop here.
Last Monday (August 31) we had the most incredible weather. I had off from work so I decided to hike up Mt. Verstovia, a mountain overlooking the town. It was my favorite moment of being here so far. Now, going by myself? Probably not the smartest idea that I have ever had (bears are pretty heavy right now, steep climb, etc) but completely worth it. The hike started uphill and only really got steeper. It was uneven. Rocks could be pretty tough to get around, and everything was really slick. I had to stop every couple of meters just to relax and catch my breath. But so beautiful. Every time I stopped I was able to look around and appreciate what it was that I was seeing. When I got to Picnic Rock and able to look around I was stunned at the beauty. After seeing that I knew I wanted to get to the peak of Verstovia, so I went down the trail. It wasn't as clear, or as clean. I had to blaze my own trail at points. Had to climb a few rock facings. But the scenery kept getting better. It wasn't as tiring, but I found myself stopping more just to take in the area. All the mountains were visible. The Inside Passage was laid out before me through the islands and mountains. I worked my way to the base of the peak...and found that the fog had rolled in. The trail got a lot thinner and there was less margin for error. So I stopped. But still, in that time I was so happy just to be out and moving around. And then to be in the presence of that untouched scenery. Stop me if I get a little wordy or seemingly emotional and corny...but wow...Probably my favorite moment of being out here, that hike. And from what I understand there are a number of significantly better hikes out there. Yeah, I'll be exploring those.
Hope you all are doing well. I miss you guys a lot, and love to hear about what is happening down south. Keep me posted and keep in touch.
Yesterday was a lot of fun. I got off work at 11 pm on Wednesday. I had a staff meeting from 8-10 on one side of town. Then I had to ride my bike to the other side of town to the high school. Then I rode my bike back to the other side of town for another staff meeting, but when I got there found out it was canceled, so I rode back home. Which is right by the high school. Oh yeah, and it was 55 degrees, pouring rain, and the wind was gusting up to 40 mph. I guess you could call it my 'Welcome to SE Alaska' moment. I have 2-3 months of that ahead too. Glad I at least got to see some nice weather before it turns real crappy...
Things here, while hectic, have started to settle into a routine. Our door is constantly opening and closing, people are cycling in and out. We are figuring out how to handle maintaining our community while juggling our crazy schedules. And you know what? It is going really well. We are starting to settle into our 'roles' in the house. Mine is that of the father (I know, right). Last week, Katie (or Kakevin) decided that we were like the family. I was the father because I am somewhat responsible, get everyone motivated and excited, and everyone is scared of me (their words, not mine). After a certain amount of laughter she looked at Nick and told him he was the mother. Evie is the oldest sister, Katie is the middle brother (her level of maturity is roughly around 14 years old), and Natalie is the youngest sister. Since then, we have participated in family-centric activities, such as boys vs. girl cornhole. Katie and I won. I like to watch football while Nick does the dishes. Katie likes to pull pranks and antagonize everyone in the house. Its a pretty interesting dynamic.
With that being said, our community experience has been very strong so far. Our nights are highlighted by our card games, cornhole games, watching a movie or t.v. show (we ran through seasons 1-4 of 'The Office.' If anyone has season 5 that they want to donate to the house, let me know...), or just silently reading together in the living room. Our dinner conversations swing from the ridiculous (see roles, family) to the fairly deep (health care reform, American life) and back again. Empty threats fly around the house at a fairly frequent pace. We even fart around each other (Let me tell you, nothing builds community like farting with someone else...). I really enjoy coming home after work and just relaxing with everyone. Our lack of expectations for each other and open minds has really led to a great dynamic in the house. I could go on for a really long time about the community, but I will stop here.
Last Monday (August 31) we had the most incredible weather. I had off from work so I decided to hike up Mt. Verstovia, a mountain overlooking the town. It was my favorite moment of being here so far. Now, going by myself? Probably not the smartest idea that I have ever had (bears are pretty heavy right now, steep climb, etc) but completely worth it. The hike started uphill and only really got steeper. It was uneven. Rocks could be pretty tough to get around, and everything was really slick. I had to stop every couple of meters just to relax and catch my breath. But so beautiful. Every time I stopped I was able to look around and appreciate what it was that I was seeing. When I got to Picnic Rock and able to look around I was stunned at the beauty. After seeing that I knew I wanted to get to the peak of Verstovia, so I went down the trail. It wasn't as clear, or as clean. I had to blaze my own trail at points. Had to climb a few rock facings. But the scenery kept getting better. It wasn't as tiring, but I found myself stopping more just to take in the area. All the mountains were visible. The Inside Passage was laid out before me through the islands and mountains. I worked my way to the base of the peak...and found that the fog had rolled in. The trail got a lot thinner and there was less margin for error. So I stopped. But still, in that time I was so happy just to be out and moving around. And then to be in the presence of that untouched scenery. Stop me if I get a little wordy or seemingly emotional and corny...but wow...Probably my favorite moment of being out here, that hike. And from what I understand there are a number of significantly better hikes out there. Yeah, I'll be exploring those.
Hope you all are doing well. I miss you guys a lot, and love to hear about what is happening down south. Keep me posted and keep in touch.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
This is why we can't have nice things
I reread my last post and I realized how...sunny it seemed. Look, I know that there are going to be times when I do not want to be here. The weather here, while beautiful, can turn on a dime. Rain starts and stops whenever it damn well pleases. The sun doesn't really like to come out from behind the clouds (although when it does it is like nothing I have ever seen). The wind can really gust. And I am sure when I am riding me bike to work at 3 PM and it is already dark out I won't be too excited. But still. I have been very happy here.
I finished my first week of work yesterday, and it was good. The more time I spend in my job and with the people its been good. It is going to be very challenging at times in a few different ways, but its going to be good. I hope...
::Disclaimer:: I am bound by confidentiality, so I won't really be able to talk about the particulars of my job and the kids I am working with. Even while writing progress notes and documenting work we have to use the kids' initials. Sorry, I would like to be sharing this even more with you guys, its just that, well, I can't. There are going to be many times when I am having issues with a kid that I will want to talk with someone about, but I won't be able to. So I will be speaking in a lot of generalities.
But I can speak a little more about the program I am working for. Starting with Hanson House. The average length of stay for the kids coming through there is about 6-9 months. The demographic of those kids falls into one of the two following categories: is severely emotionally disturbed (affected? What is the PC term for this?) with a pretty rough home life, or the judge told them it was either HH or prison. What would you pick? The current group of kids is great. While there are definitely some struggles with them, they are all very smart, personable, and a ton of fun to be around. I am there pretty much as a support for these kids, from anything to planning life after HH to helping with an algebra problem. I watch TV and movies with them, play card games, cook, make sure they get their chores done, that sort of thing. The more time I spend there the more I enjoy getting to know the kids.
Now, how do they get out of HH? Well, I am glad you asked. HH is a four phase program. Each phase has a different set of criteria to reach the next one, including a paper, a journal, and a project that is meant to contribute to the house. Each phase also has a few more privileges than the previous one. If you are at phase 2, you can sign out for one two hour period per weekend (most kids go downtown), at phase three that jumps up to two three hour sign out opportunities, and then phase four is two four hour sign outs. Stuff like that. Once they reach the graduation phase they begin to move out. Some kids blow through it, others take a little longer. But it really is a very good, if not great (I realize I use a lot of words likes 'amazing' and 'incredible,' so I am trying to be a little calmer with my praise) program. And I am very happy to have been placed there.
My time at Sitka High has been...well, different than the above mentioned experience. I have my own office and an open door policy. Basically any time one of YAS' clients needs some support they can come see me. Some of my HH kids are at the high school so they bug me for a few minutes each lunch period, but other than that...I had one person come use me in the two days I was there. It can get pretty boring. And they have a firewall that stops me from going to fun websites, such as Facebook and anything sports related, so now I actually have to read semi-intelligent stuff. I have read multiple sources about health care and a few articles on money and the recession and stuff. I actually really enjoyed it. Just, not as fun as others. Anywho, I suppose as the year goes on and new HH kids come to the high school I will have a little more to do. I hope...(huh, second time this post I have done that. Lot of hoping going on here. And I think that is a good thing)
Alright, community. We are getting to know each other better as each day goes on. I have really come to enjoy the time I get to spend with all of them. Our night have evolved to playing cards, reading together, our conversations have gotten deeper and more ridiculous as we have gone through this past month together. Last night we all drank together (minus Nick, who wasn't feeling too well), just in the house because we were all pretty wiped (I had worked all day and the girls had gone on a beach combing cruise). We just sat around, were ridiculous, and generated some great quotes. And then we woke up this morning and I was reminded why I don't drink vodka anymore. I went to mass last night, but the rest of my community members didn't. So that was a pretty long hour for the bunch of them. But it was still a really fun night, one that we all laughed about all day today. Especially when Nick read some quotes back to us that he had written down from the night before. Hilarity ensued. For our community night tonight we went to the arcade down the street. Awesome. But I don't know. I have heard some horror stories from people's time in the JVC, but I have lucked out that no major issues have arose yet. Granted, we are a month in. But still. I like them all and am really looking forward to spending more time with them.
Finally, we had our first spirituality night last Monday. I took charge and read a book that my mom left in my luggage called, "Matthew's Meadow." Great book, one that has been in my life since 1994 (it was written on the inside cover. Don't judge me). There are quite a few solid messages and lessons in the book, primarily covering using your senses to get to know the world around you (obviously an appropriate lesson for this year). But there is one quote I want to share with you, one that I had forgotten about.
"The unknown is simply the not-yet-known. Most people look for solutions within the known. If this is something you want to do, and you think it is impossible, I want you to look outside the known, not within it. Think beyond your thoughts so that you can find a way to do what you once thought impossible."
I, and quite a few other people I know, am going to be presented with a few situations that may appear impossible at first glance. A hard to get through to kid, maybe a troublesome circumstance. Hard to say at this point, for obvious reasons. But I feel as if this quote will go a long way in helping me deal with these situations, even if just to take a break and a breath to think about how I should deal with it.
So that is where I am at right now. Happy, hopeful, and apprehensive. Knowing that things are going well right now, but that could change fairly quickly. Also, still keep your eyes peeled for thoughts on social justice. Its a tough topic to put all my thoughts into. Until next time...
I finished my first week of work yesterday, and it was good. The more time I spend in my job and with the people its been good. It is going to be very challenging at times in a few different ways, but its going to be good. I hope...
::Disclaimer:: I am bound by confidentiality, so I won't really be able to talk about the particulars of my job and the kids I am working with. Even while writing progress notes and documenting work we have to use the kids' initials. Sorry, I would like to be sharing this even more with you guys, its just that, well, I can't. There are going to be many times when I am having issues with a kid that I will want to talk with someone about, but I won't be able to. So I will be speaking in a lot of generalities.
But I can speak a little more about the program I am working for. Starting with Hanson House. The average length of stay for the kids coming through there is about 6-9 months. The demographic of those kids falls into one of the two following categories: is severely emotionally disturbed (affected? What is the PC term for this?) with a pretty rough home life, or the judge told them it was either HH or prison. What would you pick? The current group of kids is great. While there are definitely some struggles with them, they are all very smart, personable, and a ton of fun to be around. I am there pretty much as a support for these kids, from anything to planning life after HH to helping with an algebra problem. I watch TV and movies with them, play card games, cook, make sure they get their chores done, that sort of thing. The more time I spend there the more I enjoy getting to know the kids.
Now, how do they get out of HH? Well, I am glad you asked. HH is a four phase program. Each phase has a different set of criteria to reach the next one, including a paper, a journal, and a project that is meant to contribute to the house. Each phase also has a few more privileges than the previous one. If you are at phase 2, you can sign out for one two hour period per weekend (most kids go downtown), at phase three that jumps up to two three hour sign out opportunities, and then phase four is two four hour sign outs. Stuff like that. Once they reach the graduation phase they begin to move out. Some kids blow through it, others take a little longer. But it really is a very good, if not great (I realize I use a lot of words likes 'amazing' and 'incredible,' so I am trying to be a little calmer with my praise) program. And I am very happy to have been placed there.
My time at Sitka High has been...well, different than the above mentioned experience. I have my own office and an open door policy. Basically any time one of YAS' clients needs some support they can come see me. Some of my HH kids are at the high school so they bug me for a few minutes each lunch period, but other than that...I had one person come use me in the two days I was there. It can get pretty boring. And they have a firewall that stops me from going to fun websites, such as Facebook and anything sports related, so now I actually have to read semi-intelligent stuff. I have read multiple sources about health care and a few articles on money and the recession and stuff. I actually really enjoyed it. Just, not as fun as others. Anywho, I suppose as the year goes on and new HH kids come to the high school I will have a little more to do. I hope...(huh, second time this post I have done that. Lot of hoping going on here. And I think that is a good thing)
Alright, community. We are getting to know each other better as each day goes on. I have really come to enjoy the time I get to spend with all of them. Our night have evolved to playing cards, reading together, our conversations have gotten deeper and more ridiculous as we have gone through this past month together. Last night we all drank together (minus Nick, who wasn't feeling too well), just in the house because we were all pretty wiped (I had worked all day and the girls had gone on a beach combing cruise). We just sat around, were ridiculous, and generated some great quotes. And then we woke up this morning and I was reminded why I don't drink vodka anymore. I went to mass last night, but the rest of my community members didn't. So that was a pretty long hour for the bunch of them. But it was still a really fun night, one that we all laughed about all day today. Especially when Nick read some quotes back to us that he had written down from the night before. Hilarity ensued. For our community night tonight we went to the arcade down the street. Awesome. But I don't know. I have heard some horror stories from people's time in the JVC, but I have lucked out that no major issues have arose yet. Granted, we are a month in. But still. I like them all and am really looking forward to spending more time with them.
Finally, we had our first spirituality night last Monday. I took charge and read a book that my mom left in my luggage called, "Matthew's Meadow." Great book, one that has been in my life since 1994 (it was written on the inside cover. Don't judge me). There are quite a few solid messages and lessons in the book, primarily covering using your senses to get to know the world around you (obviously an appropriate lesson for this year). But there is one quote I want to share with you, one that I had forgotten about.
"The unknown is simply the not-yet-known. Most people look for solutions within the known. If this is something you want to do, and you think it is impossible, I want you to look outside the known, not within it. Think beyond your thoughts so that you can find a way to do what you once thought impossible."
I, and quite a few other people I know, am going to be presented with a few situations that may appear impossible at first glance. A hard to get through to kid, maybe a troublesome circumstance. Hard to say at this point, for obvious reasons. But I feel as if this quote will go a long way in helping me deal with these situations, even if just to take a break and a breath to think about how I should deal with it.
So that is where I am at right now. Happy, hopeful, and apprehensive. Knowing that things are going well right now, but that could change fairly quickly. Also, still keep your eyes peeled for thoughts on social justice. Its a tough topic to put all my thoughts into. Until next time...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Alright champ, show me the back way. Take us home.
Alright, so it has been a little time since I have last updated. When last I reported in we were getting to know both each other and the surrounding community, and I am happy to report we are succeeding on both fronts. But I will get to that in a bit. First and foremost...
We started work! Alright, kind of. I have been a little frustrated these past few days. See, while my first day of work was last Monday, the 17th, it was an orientation. So was Tuesday (we role played on Tuesday...my SW friends will attest to how much I love that...). Wednesday I had the pleasure of taking a bunch of online seminars. Thursday and Friday were bully prevention seminars at the high school. While necessary and I am getting a lot out of these endeavors...I am just ready to start. Tomorrow is my first official day at the Hanson House and I am anxious. Thursday is my first day at the high school. Also, anxious. There is some cross over in clientele, but it doesn't overlap completely. All I know so far is that this is going to be a tough year. The more I learn about the kids and what I will be doing...wow, it is not going to be easy. It is good that I know this going in, but I am also just kind of...well, nervous about it. So yeah, that is kind of what is going on there. Having Mondays off is going to be both good and bad. I will have a ton of time and space to myself. But I will also have a ton of time to myself...Oh well, I am looking forward to the year.
The more I learn about my job the more excited I get. HH (Hanson House) basically operates under a positive peer culture, where the youth themselves are encouraged to help each other fulfill their duties and stay within the guidelines of the house. My role is essentially a support person. I don't really 'tell' the kids to do anything. Instead, I present consequences. For instance, "If you don't cook dinner, then you won't eat." Along those lines. Instead of being presented with successes and failures, it is internalized; the responsibility is on the kids to complete their tasks and accept responsibility if they don't. I really like this model. For those of you around during my Catch a Falling Star days you know I really disliked punishing the kids for their actions. So that is really cool. As I find out more I will post a better description of how this works.
Now the community. Being in a small community is awesome. You realize very quickly how easy it is to get to know everyone. Every time we go out we meet someone else and then they turn up somewhere else. This was apparent as we went out on Saturday do a sports bar called Kelly's. This place was packed (and it eventually turned into a Laclede's for the middle aged) and we knew everyone. And the people we didn't know we were introduced to pretty quickly. It was a lot of fun. Boat rides, potlachs, chilling out at the local bars (although with the prices we won't be doing too much of that in the future). Everyone has been extremely forthcoming with advice, tips, and other stuff. I don't know, I don't think I have ever felt completely supported by a community like I am right now. Everyone knows who we are. We 'played' in a 3-on-3 basketball tournament Saturday (it was ugly) and everyone came up to us and introduced themselves and talked to us. Yesterday we went to a cafe for brunch and listened to a folk band just jamming right next to us. As the time went on people came and left as they wanted to, but it was awesome to just sit there and listen to them jam out. Upright base, mandolin, a great harmonica player. we all just sat back and thought, "Wow, how awesome is this?" Again, as the year continues I will update you on our friends and what we are doing.
We finally took our first hike last weekend! It was, again, incredible (I am going to use that word a lot this year, I have a feeling). So pure and untouched...It is hard to use words to describe the scenery here. I can take pictures, but they just do not do the area justice. The clarity of the air. The feeling of the rain. The fact that I wake up to a different view every day because of the cloud movement. The mountains disappearing into the clouds is something I will never get tired of. When it is so clear that I can see for miles around the island and see the volcano...And then the knowledge that I will be here for the next year and see so many different sides of Sitka and Alaska is extremely reassuring. I really do love it here.
I was talking to my friends Lauren the other day, who is off the Nicaragua in a few months for JVI. We hadn't talked in a few months past a few texts and whatnot, but we had a really solid conversation. I just realized while I was talking to her how happy I am here now. Even knowing the challenge that is in front of me. Even knowing that I will not see you guys all that often, if at all, in the next year. I just feel like that my presence here right now is right. I don't know if I can expand on that anymore. The feeling is so solid, so strong. With interactions with my community members, with bike rides to and from work, walking around town with them, it just feels right. It can be very difficult for me to see God's hand in my life at times, but not right now. I am happy here. And that is weird to acknowledge. But yeah...
I hope everyone is doing well. Keep your eyes peeled over the next day for another post. I think I am going to write a little bit on the four core values of the JVC (social justice, community, spirituality, and simplicity) and what they mean to me. I think I am going to need to reflect on each fairly often over the next year, and posting them here I think will help me convey what I am feeling a little better. Until then...
We started work! Alright, kind of. I have been a little frustrated these past few days. See, while my first day of work was last Monday, the 17th, it was an orientation. So was Tuesday (we role played on Tuesday...my SW friends will attest to how much I love that...). Wednesday I had the pleasure of taking a bunch of online seminars. Thursday and Friday were bully prevention seminars at the high school. While necessary and I am getting a lot out of these endeavors...I am just ready to start. Tomorrow is my first official day at the Hanson House and I am anxious. Thursday is my first day at the high school. Also, anxious. There is some cross over in clientele, but it doesn't overlap completely. All I know so far is that this is going to be a tough year. The more I learn about the kids and what I will be doing...wow, it is not going to be easy. It is good that I know this going in, but I am also just kind of...well, nervous about it. So yeah, that is kind of what is going on there. Having Mondays off is going to be both good and bad. I will have a ton of time and space to myself. But I will also have a ton of time to myself...Oh well, I am looking forward to the year.
The more I learn about my job the more excited I get. HH (Hanson House) basically operates under a positive peer culture, where the youth themselves are encouraged to help each other fulfill their duties and stay within the guidelines of the house. My role is essentially a support person. I don't really 'tell' the kids to do anything. Instead, I present consequences. For instance, "If you don't cook dinner, then you won't eat." Along those lines. Instead of being presented with successes and failures, it is internalized; the responsibility is on the kids to complete their tasks and accept responsibility if they don't. I really like this model. For those of you around during my Catch a Falling Star days you know I really disliked punishing the kids for their actions. So that is really cool. As I find out more I will post a better description of how this works.
Now the community. Being in a small community is awesome. You realize very quickly how easy it is to get to know everyone. Every time we go out we meet someone else and then they turn up somewhere else. This was apparent as we went out on Saturday do a sports bar called Kelly's. This place was packed (and it eventually turned into a Laclede's for the middle aged) and we knew everyone. And the people we didn't know we were introduced to pretty quickly. It was a lot of fun. Boat rides, potlachs, chilling out at the local bars (although with the prices we won't be doing too much of that in the future). Everyone has been extremely forthcoming with advice, tips, and other stuff. I don't know, I don't think I have ever felt completely supported by a community like I am right now. Everyone knows who we are. We 'played' in a 3-on-3 basketball tournament Saturday (it was ugly) and everyone came up to us and introduced themselves and talked to us. Yesterday we went to a cafe for brunch and listened to a folk band just jamming right next to us. As the time went on people came and left as they wanted to, but it was awesome to just sit there and listen to them jam out. Upright base, mandolin, a great harmonica player. we all just sat back and thought, "Wow, how awesome is this?" Again, as the year continues I will update you on our friends and what we are doing.
We finally took our first hike last weekend! It was, again, incredible (I am going to use that word a lot this year, I have a feeling). So pure and untouched...It is hard to use words to describe the scenery here. I can take pictures, but they just do not do the area justice. The clarity of the air. The feeling of the rain. The fact that I wake up to a different view every day because of the cloud movement. The mountains disappearing into the clouds is something I will never get tired of. When it is so clear that I can see for miles around the island and see the volcano...And then the knowledge that I will be here for the next year and see so many different sides of Sitka and Alaska is extremely reassuring. I really do love it here.
I was talking to my friends Lauren the other day, who is off the Nicaragua in a few months for JVI. We hadn't talked in a few months past a few texts and whatnot, but we had a really solid conversation. I just realized while I was talking to her how happy I am here now. Even knowing the challenge that is in front of me. Even knowing that I will not see you guys all that often, if at all, in the next year. I just feel like that my presence here right now is right. I don't know if I can expand on that anymore. The feeling is so solid, so strong. With interactions with my community members, with bike rides to and from work, walking around town with them, it just feels right. It can be very difficult for me to see God's hand in my life at times, but not right now. I am happy here. And that is weird to acknowledge. But yeah...
I hope everyone is doing well. Keep your eyes peeled over the next day for another post. I think I am going to write a little bit on the four core values of the JVC (social justice, community, spirituality, and simplicity) and what they mean to me. I think I am going to need to reflect on each fairly often over the next year, and posting them here I think will help me convey what I am feeling a little better. Until then...
Friday, August 14, 2009
Michael Scarn, FBI
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When did it become socially unacceptable for me to go to puppet shows? I am sitting here in the library next to one and I miss it. Maybe I can worm my way into one this year before the year is over...Also, after being here for only about a week, I can already pick out the tourists vs. the residents. They can be really annoying (I know right, I am sure I have been in that category before). But the cruise ships are massive and it is really cool to wake up and see them in the harbour. Oh, and I went on a run this morning. Took some time to stop at a river and watch the huge mass of salmon attempt to make their way up stream. Then I saw three bald eagles take off. I stood there in awe for a few minutes. It was one of the most picturesque things I have ever seen in my entire life, these three majestic birds flying through this causeway of trees. Unbelievable...
A few corrections before I launch into it:
Our priest's name is Fr. Scott, not Fr. Steve. My bad.
Also, my site is the Hanson House, not the Haven House. I have made that mistake more than a few times. And will probably continue to make that mistake for a little while longer. Forgive me that little bit.
Alright, now that we have that out of the way, again, very eventful few days now. We continue to find out more and more about the community, its members, and our roles. And we haven't even started our positions yet. Although we have started to gain a more significant picture of what those roles will be. But I also realize that I have been negligent in introducing my community, the people I will be sharing this experience with over the next year. So let me get into it.
Nick hails from Long Island originally, and went to school at Holy Cross, just outside of Boston. We are going to be room mates for the next year, and quite painless and easy decision we made at orientation. I think we both realized it would be much easier to decide that then without a fight and we both realized (and hoped) that the other was easy going and fairly easy to live with. Also, we got the room with the best view. He likes sports, although he is a Red Sox and New York Giants fan, and knows Lady Gaga from high school. Oh well, can't be completely perfect. We have gotten along extremely well in the short time that we have been together. Our conversations have ranged from simply sports to politics to religion, to opening up about our lives to each other. Maybe it is because we are the only guys in the house or because we are sharing a room, but I am probably the closest to him at this point. Nick is going to be the children's advocate at SAFV (Sitkans Against Family Violence...I think).
Katie is from Maryland and went to school at Mount St. Mary's. She has a sense of humor that is very similar to mine: sarcastic and insulting. Which means one of two things: we are going to be best friends at the end of our time, or never want to see each other again. There will be no middle ground on that front. We both have come to realize that and accept it and have just become ourselves around each other. We went for coffee this morning and while we didn't have a life-changing conversation, we still sat and got to know each other that much better. But very little time passes between the two of us when we aren't commenting on something the other has said. Katie is determined to find her husband here with a very strict set of criteria: he has to be a coastie (in the Coast Guard). Not a day has passed thus far without her alluding to it (and myself subsequently commenting on that). Katie will be the matcher at Big Brother, Big Sister of Sitka.
Natalie is native to Troy, Il, which is right outside of St. Louis, and went to Marquette University. She has been the 'quiet' one of the house so far, and I put that in quotes because no one has been all that quiet (when we are around each other we are always talking. If there are two of three there sometimes is quiet, but 4+ and there is constant conversation). Very art oriented, she has taken to making origami cranes and hanging them from her ceiling. Pretty sweet. While I have not spent a ton of time talking with her, I am looking forward to getting to know her better over the next year. Natalie is going to be the women's advocate at SAFV.
And last but not least is Evie. Evie was a late addition to our community (and by late I mean about a week before orientation started), but a very welcome one. She hails from Seattle, and went to school at Western Washington. She applied late after being spurned by TFA. Oh well, their loss is our gain. Evie is a great person to have around, always having an opinion on something, but still very open and welcoming, always hearing out what you have to say. Always gung ho about everything, she is often the first one to offer a greeting, to volunteer to do something, or just to hang out. In a stroke of genius, Evie brought seasons 1-4 of 'The Office,' which has led to our nightly community Office meetings, a nightly occurrence that all of us look forward to. She also led our spirit animal quest (mine was a bald eagle). Evie will be working as an outdoor something or other at ORCA, an acronym that I do not know the meaning of. So that is my community, a group of people I didn't know until last week who will play a significant role in my life.
We have toured a few of the work sites recently. First up was SAFV where we met Meg, a FJV and Buffalonian, introduced us to the staff and to the work she does, as well as the work Nick and Natalie will be performing. SAFV is a women's and children's shelter for victims of domestic violence. The work they will be doing is apparently similar to the work I will be doing. But we will figure that out as time goes on. Next up was Katie and BBBS. Her super is a really nice guy who likes to talk...a lot. A few jokes have been made about that, but it seems as if Katie will be doing a lot of different things. One thing that was apparent during our time there was that James, who was just hired about two months ago, has a lot of pretty big plans over the next few months for BBBS, which is great. He is really ambitious and it seems as if Katie has a great opportunity to be involved with that. Not sure about Evie and ORCA yet. Because of her late entry we weren't able to set up a site visit because everyone is on vacation. Oh well.
Yesterday, Thursday, we trekked out to my site (it is going to be a bike ride every day...about two miles or so) and it is going to be one hell of a time. Basically, it is a home for kids for up to two years. Living room, kitchen, etc etc, and then the staff, who is there to facilitate everything. From programming to making sure kids get to their appointments on time, to just hanging out. Basically what I have said in the past. Hanson House is actually under the umbrella of Youth Advocates of Sitka (YAS), and they do a ton of work with youth from ages 5-18, mental health being their primary focus. My job will have two hats. The first is at the Hanson House, being there for the kids. I will be there two nights a week (most likely Tuesday and Wednesday) and on Saturdays during the day. The second part of my job is going to be in the high school, taking care of issues that come up with YAS clients throughout the day. I will have an office and all that fun stuff. I will most likely be there Thursday and Friday. While I am not going to be around the community as much as some of us would like, I will be around enough, and I will hopefully be providing some solid support for these kids, some of whom I met yesterday. I am really looking forward to starting. Training and orientation Monday and Tuesday. I am under confidentiality though, so I am not sure how much I will be able to share here.
Alright, so that is that. My community and their jobs. As well as a little better picture of my job, which I am sure I will gain a better picture of as time moves forward.
I have set a few goals for myself this year. Starting with getting in better shape and living a healthier lifestyle. There is a half marathon in November that I believe I am going to try and run. Then there is a marathon in Juneau I am thinking about running. I am definitely going to try to run the marathon in Anchorage which starts at midnight on June 20th. I think that would be pretty sick. There is also a triathlon here in Sitka in May, and if I have a viable bike I am going to try and get through that. Also, at each retreat the Alaskan guys will be having a fitness challenge, consisting of push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, and wall sits. All of which I am not incredible strong in. While the chances of me winning are fairly slim, I still think it would be a good chance to improve my strength and general fitness level. I will be mapping at least my running. I don't want to embarrass myself by mapping the other stuff :).
I have one more goal this year. Back in July I was hanging out with one of my friends in Buffalo, someone who has just started to learn the guitar. She wanted to play a song for me, and even though I was exhausted I agreed and she pulled out the guitar. As I was basically passing out on the couch she started talking about how hard it was to sing for someone, and that there really was no point in it being incredibly difficult. We had a brief conversation (and by brief I mean I threw a few comments and grunts in while she spoke most of the time) about how vulnerable it makes one, singing for someone. To open up that much to someone is difficult. So many people are not very optimistic about their musical ability, so to open up that window for people can be very hard at times. I have not made myself vulnerable for some time, for an number of reasons. I have some pretty hardcore defenses up, and those are heightened now that I am in a completely new place with new people experiencing new things. Incredible things, but new things. I hope that soon, not right away, but soon, I become vulnerable enough to sing in front of someone. To open myself up and let someone in. Because until I am vulnerable it will be very difficult to help those I am being called to help. How can I expect to earn someone's trust when I am not opening myself up to them at all? Over everything, this is my number one goal for the next year.
And by the way, the song she sang was beautiful.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Once you accept that you are going to be wet, you will be much, much happier...
That advice was given to us by our new friend Tyler, who took myself, Nick, and Natalie salmon fishing today. Terribly unsporting, but made for a good dinner. Anyways, I have made it and I am in Alaska! Sitka is gorgeous. It is so pure and beautiful. But let us start back at the beginning...
Last Sunday, August 2nd, Zach and I met up in Portland to hang out and explore the city. That was awesome. We explored the Saturday market (is pot legal in Oregon? Any one have any clue? They had a ton of pipes at 3 or 4 stands) and the Pearl District, the Elmwood/Central West End/Washington district of Portland. Had linner at a cool micro brewery. We then were lame and turned in early because we had been up for almost 20 hours. Then we went off to orientation...
After guessing wrong on a college aged girl with lots of luggage (a common sight at the Portland train station apparently) we met up with Julia and Sean, two kids who were heading off to serve others as well. we struck up a conversation with the two of them, and then met up with the rest of our group. Turned out we all knew the same people. "Oh, you went to SLU. Do you know so-and-so?" "Yes, they were some of my best friends," was a common conversation had over the course of the week. Oh the small Jesuit world...We then arrived at Camp Adams (Sorry for the 'And then this happened. Then we did this.' Hoepfully that will end soon...) and checked in and started to all get to know each other. After an amusing time at the swimming hole we all started to meet up with people in our communities, as well as other JVs. It was then I realized that it sucked that I was meeting all of these people, because I won't be seeing them this year. I will go on retreats with the other people who are in the Alaskan communities, but as for those in the lower 48...nope. Kind of a sucky realization, especially since I got to know some people pretty well. The bonds we formed were pretty amazing. The sense of solidarity we had sitting in really uncomfortable chairs, singing campy songs, and realizing that we weren't just going on vacation, but really and truly commiting a year of our lives to those less fortunate really is a powerful force. Anway, after a week of pretty intense conversations and games of Jenga, tossing the disc around, and just generally enjoying the camp, it was time to leave Camp Adams. After five months, it was finally here, I was finally going to Alaska.
It was a long day of travel, but we got here on time. Flights were easy, and the fly-overs were incredible. Landing in Sitka was...wow. It is so beautiful here. Even in the rain it has a sort of untouched beauty that I have never seen anywhere else. It is hard to explain but I am going to try. Through words and through pictures. Our house is located about 100 feet off the water. There is a house and a road seperating us. We are surrounded on three sides by mountains. The fourth side being water. There are two main roads, each of which run about 7 miles outside of town and end with a big sign marked, "End." I know. Suspenseful. But the ride is incredible. Hopefully I will be running that soon (more on that later). The town is very small, only three grocery stores (I almost typed supermarkets, but, yeah, that would be a lie). Other than that, not too much going on. Oh, and tons of hiking trails. We have a book in our house with all of them listed. Cannot wait to get started on those guys.
The people. The people have been incredible. We got to the airport on Saturday and there was a welcoming party out in full force. FJVs, supervisors, kids. It was awesome. At Mass yesterday the priest (Fr. Steve) noticed us walk in and had us stand up and be welcomed. Eileen, a FJV (former JV), took her entire day to drive us around town. Today, I went fishing with a guy named Tyler, a third grade teacher here who supplies a lot of meat to volunteers around the area. We are some of the first to actually go and catch them with him. I fileted my first fish today, a salmon! Also fired my first gun, almost went deaf. He offered to take us deer hunting and along his trap line, and I may take him up on that offer. I think it would be really interesting to go hunting with him to actually get our food. Tomorrow and Wednesday we are going to potlachs. I really don't know how to express how strong the support is for the JVs here. It really does seem as if we are supported more by the community than we support them. Anyway...
Our first day of work is on Monday. Katie's super stopped by today with some paperwork and stayed for a little while. He asked us all where we were assigned. When I said Haven House, he sort of stopped and said, "Wow, you are in for a challenge." Probably my first true reminder about why I am here. See, right now it really feels as if I am here on vacation. I am here with 4 people the same age as me and I am going fishing and hanging out and getting stuff done. But I am not working. I am not doing what it is I was sent here to do. And that day is coming soon. I still find myself conflicted. It is hard to be here without any of my supports. But it is going to be good for me...I hope.
Library is closing so I am going to finish up here. The deal with this blog: I will update every week or so, sometimes twice. I will not be recounting my days, instead going over the key points, putting forth my thoughts, ideas, good times, challenging times. Hopefully painting a good picture of Sitka, its residents, and the people I am serving, as well as my community members. As the year goes on I hope to introduce you to them, because they are some pretty great people. If you want to check out the pictures I have taken already:
http://picasaweb.google.com/home
Username: vukelicg
Password: lodak1
Peruse, comment, and feel free to ask any questions. I hope you all are doing well.
Last Sunday, August 2nd, Zach and I met up in Portland to hang out and explore the city. That was awesome. We explored the Saturday market (is pot legal in Oregon? Any one have any clue? They had a ton of pipes at 3 or 4 stands) and the Pearl District, the Elmwood/Central West End/Washington district of Portland. Had linner at a cool micro brewery. We then were lame and turned in early because we had been up for almost 20 hours. Then we went off to orientation...
After guessing wrong on a college aged girl with lots of luggage (a common sight at the Portland train station apparently) we met up with Julia and Sean, two kids who were heading off to serve others as well. we struck up a conversation with the two of them, and then met up with the rest of our group. Turned out we all knew the same people. "Oh, you went to SLU. Do you know so-and-so?" "Yes, they were some of my best friends," was a common conversation had over the course of the week. Oh the small Jesuit world...We then arrived at Camp Adams (Sorry for the 'And then this happened. Then we did this.' Hoepfully that will end soon...) and checked in and started to all get to know each other. After an amusing time at the swimming hole we all started to meet up with people in our communities, as well as other JVs. It was then I realized that it sucked that I was meeting all of these people, because I won't be seeing them this year. I will go on retreats with the other people who are in the Alaskan communities, but as for those in the lower 48...nope. Kind of a sucky realization, especially since I got to know some people pretty well. The bonds we formed were pretty amazing. The sense of solidarity we had sitting in really uncomfortable chairs, singing campy songs, and realizing that we weren't just going on vacation, but really and truly commiting a year of our lives to those less fortunate really is a powerful force. Anway, after a week of pretty intense conversations and games of Jenga, tossing the disc around, and just generally enjoying the camp, it was time to leave Camp Adams. After five months, it was finally here, I was finally going to Alaska.
It was a long day of travel, but we got here on time. Flights were easy, and the fly-overs were incredible. Landing in Sitka was...wow. It is so beautiful here. Even in the rain it has a sort of untouched beauty that I have never seen anywhere else. It is hard to explain but I am going to try. Through words and through pictures. Our house is located about 100 feet off the water. There is a house and a road seperating us. We are surrounded on three sides by mountains. The fourth side being water. There are two main roads, each of which run about 7 miles outside of town and end with a big sign marked, "End." I know. Suspenseful. But the ride is incredible. Hopefully I will be running that soon (more on that later). The town is very small, only three grocery stores (I almost typed supermarkets, but, yeah, that would be a lie). Other than that, not too much going on. Oh, and tons of hiking trails. We have a book in our house with all of them listed. Cannot wait to get started on those guys.
The people. The people have been incredible. We got to the airport on Saturday and there was a welcoming party out in full force. FJVs, supervisors, kids. It was awesome. At Mass yesterday the priest (Fr. Steve) noticed us walk in and had us stand up and be welcomed. Eileen, a FJV (former JV), took her entire day to drive us around town. Today, I went fishing with a guy named Tyler, a third grade teacher here who supplies a lot of meat to volunteers around the area. We are some of the first to actually go and catch them with him. I fileted my first fish today, a salmon! Also fired my first gun, almost went deaf. He offered to take us deer hunting and along his trap line, and I may take him up on that offer. I think it would be really interesting to go hunting with him to actually get our food. Tomorrow and Wednesday we are going to potlachs. I really don't know how to express how strong the support is for the JVs here. It really does seem as if we are supported more by the community than we support them. Anyway...
Our first day of work is on Monday. Katie's super stopped by today with some paperwork and stayed for a little while. He asked us all where we were assigned. When I said Haven House, he sort of stopped and said, "Wow, you are in for a challenge." Probably my first true reminder about why I am here. See, right now it really feels as if I am here on vacation. I am here with 4 people the same age as me and I am going fishing and hanging out and getting stuff done. But I am not working. I am not doing what it is I was sent here to do. And that day is coming soon. I still find myself conflicted. It is hard to be here without any of my supports. But it is going to be good for me...I hope.
Library is closing so I am going to finish up here. The deal with this blog: I will update every week or so, sometimes twice. I will not be recounting my days, instead going over the key points, putting forth my thoughts, ideas, good times, challenging times. Hopefully painting a good picture of Sitka, its residents, and the people I am serving, as well as my community members. As the year goes on I hope to introduce you to them, because they are some pretty great people. If you want to check out the pictures I have taken already:
http://picasaweb.google.com/home
Username: vukelicg
Password: lodak1
Peruse, comment, and feel free to ask any questions. I hope you all are doing well.
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